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The new Bachelor– I’m gonna need some Wine w/this CHEESE! Puhleez!

05 Jan

First, I’ll say that I’m trying to start fresh w/this guy– I barely remember him from the past season except that I remember being a bit cheesed out…I remember specifically- he was almost overly sincere — trying too hard– AND often bounced up and down. Uh, check pls! I think he seems like a perfectly lovely person but he’s just not my type. I was trying to explain to my mom why I don’t dig him but I just ended up sounding mean. She called to remind me to watch it– I was going to try to avoid it– it sucks up too much time. This show needs a better editor. I think tonight its going to be on for TWO HOURS! That’s just too much and then I’ll bet they’ll have more than one episode a week– if I recall correctly– grrr! I don’t like making that kind of commitment but somehow I find myself drawn to it. If I don’t watch it my parents will call and remind me it’s coming on- every single time- they won’t remember I said I wasn’t into it this season- my mom will want to dish about it and that part’s fun — she also forces my dad to watch it so I like to make him shoot the sh!t about it – good times……so I’ll watch– it’s beyond my control.

Ok- here are the 25 lovely girls competing for Jason– OMG the first girl was bouncing on the bed– soo perfect. Nerd alert– that’s right up his alley. The camera guy or someone really likes the golf girl- she got alot of time. The tooth nazi seems cute, the shoe girl seems annoying, the crunch girl reminds me of the character Lisa Edelstein played in Keeping the Faith– (which is an excellent movie btw)–I might want to sock her in those abs she’s working on, someone loves the girl from Canada too- was she the same as the restaurant girl? The restaurant girl seemed cool– ohh Canadian– that’s a strike. 😉 Oh, the lady w/2 kids– he will go gaga over that. The girl – the dud dater- walking in the park near the sewage plant seems funny. The cheerleader seems cool. Oh, dear– the beauty queen– sweety, you don’t have to do everything the producers ask you to- whoa sporting the twins. Oh the LA girl is going to be hilarious– she is such a CLICHE. I predict that she will stay around for awhile bc I bet you a DOLLAR that the producers are absolutely salivating over her. The wedding planner seems made for tv. Oh- the hunstville bama chick is going to be a huge hit w/Jason- she seems like just his type– a total sweetheart and I love the accent. Lauren may be attractive but she seems annoying. Oh, my goodness Naomi handles bitches– she will probably be around a while– megan is a potty mouth. I’m done– I have to watch now, they have me.

OMG- the cheering in the car is entirely too much (and I was a cheerleader). Eager Beaver- that’s my nick name for him. Even the way Eager walked up to the host- even his walk is (over) Eager– take it easy EB. Yikes- he’s talking about that moment when Deanna let him get on one knee– that was BRUTAL! His little boy is adorable– that would be hard to resist. I really hope they handle that w/sensitivity though– that must be rough- deciding how/when to introduce him– scary monster. When do you introduce your son to the numerous women sticking their tongue down your throat on national TV? Dear Abby.

My mom said he IS engaged now- that’s what the ABC press release says anyway- what a shocker huh? I can only imagine the couple– she must be cheesy too. I just have never dug it when guys write poetry. Not that I don’t appreciate and really dig the sentiment (in the moment)– its just usually awkward and brutal to read in front of them no matter how in love I’m feeling. Or maybe I’ve only dated bad poets? I actually do think I would dig it the most if it was set to a tune. How come there are NO songs written for Kim??— Its always bothered me–not only is is one of the most common names– its also easy to rhyme– so WTF? The only song I can think of was the one written by Eminem. Yeah, thanks a lot Marshall, but that’s not exactly what I had in mind.

Lauren– don’t ask a guy to guess your age- ew. She seems like a very practiced conversationalist but is she sincere? The Kansas one seems sincere. Melissa has a poof on her head like a llasa apso– but she admitted she was nervous- seemed sweet. Oh no the salsa dancer is ridiculous- Sharon– thanks for playing. Natalie- is super tan girl– maybe she should have sent her sisters and her mom- she seems really immature. Amazing Naomi- is overly confident. Megan- this is so weird- that’s funny you’re right it is weird– oh bringing up the son right away- he says don’t worry about it– uh ok– awkward much? Stacia from Utah- seems nervous but she’s trying to pretend she’s not. Jackie from Dallas- not digging the dress but she seems nice. Lisa- she is awkward- but I bet she’s really sweet- she reminds me of one of those girls who was really awkward in high school- but really came out as a late bloomer. The huntsville chick- I almost missed- I was typing but she seemed almost to be working for some sympathy. Missed the muti-lingual girl too- Stockton girl seems genuine. I think I missed a couple while typing. Nikki- seems nice- from some Island but she said Chicago. Whew – that’s all of them– I think I missed a few due to typing. OMG- he has to send 10 home tonight. Oops- there are 10 more coming- I was never any good at math. I think I have Carpal tunnel syndrome.

Molly seems nice- but oh she’s the golfer– wants to see his swing- ew. Erica- double kisser- how European–she came from Kirkland and caught a flying fish? What? Her dress was too tight. Oh, orange dress remembered that Ty said his favorite color was orange- work it. LA girl is a jewelry designer- she seemed boring. Jillian from BC- oh, dear- side pony tail girl– wants to know about his hot dog?? Is she herbally enhanced? This aint Vancouver sweetie. Oh my. Giggly Dominique– he seems to dig her– told her she was cute- ew she said she didn’t want to share him- too much. Oh, the seahawks fan is GD (geographically desirable)– but that seems to be about it. Jason seems really comfortable w/the teacher chick. Ann from Phoenix- seems a bit fake- not in personality- just smooth- like a flight attendant. OMG the girl w/the teeth– I thought I’d like her but now its over for her and me- that was too much– does she not remember the orange peel tooth girl?

Oh- this is going to be nice– who will they vote off?? That’s right producers–let’s get the cat fight started early. Social mutants on display. OMG they just showed a commercial for a “candid camera” style spoof of Stupid Americans– that should be a riot– its called -What would you do? I like this series- they had an interesting piece w/a hidden camera capturing some cultural prejudice in Texas- shocker huh?

Who will get the first impression rose? Oh- this is sooo awkward– he comes in to screaming and oohing and awwing- and he says- pls everyone pls be yourself. Naomi- toasts to Deanna- she’s aggressive. Shannon- annoying giggle. He asks if you’re cold bc your twins are totally on display!! Way to sport ’em. She says she’s not a stalker but when you have to say you’re not a stalker- that might make you a stalker. He looks worried. Run Jason. She is scary. Oh tight dress comes in to interrupt– he’s not that into her- bye sweetie. Dom- she reminds me of somebody. Oh she sells medical equipment- like toe implants– she’s weird- I might like her. Oh this girl resigned from her job as a high school spanish teacher– that does NOT speak highly of you- what were you thinking?- maybe he’ll feel guilty and keep her around but that was really unappealing to me. They are all talking about being single parents- you can tell they think that gives them “hand’ w/him. OH NO– someone wrote a poem– what grade are you in? Pls burn that- it hurts me knowing its out there. Oohh, the other girl that had to sit through that said she has a gift that she will give him later. Oh, side pony tail girl is going on about how what he puts on his hot dog– and what that says about him– I think she must have gotten some positive male reinforcement just from turning that phrase– guys want to talk about their weinie and what they like to put on it. She’s annoying.

Nikki and Jason seem to have a bond. Renee is a freak- I love the spooky bkgrd music–she’s priceless. Does she have an internal censor? Obviously no. The brazillian chick had the right idea- till Molly stepped in-thanks Molly- pushy much? How grown up- you’re living on your own. What? Nice- brazil came back. She reminds me of Ali from Love Story. He’s been dying to give someone his jacket– the 7th grade teacher gets it. OMG- don’t quiz him b!tch– I was told there’d be no math on this exam. Lauren is getting the first impression rose? Oh tease– she gets a piece of cake- ha! Melissa sweetie- does your hairdresser hate you? You look like a llasa apsa– I will look up how to spell that dog later– my point is- you look silly. You really need to rethink that hairdo.

I think the girls are going to vote off the threat–Jason’s needs won’t come into play. Ring on the pillow girl- that was an overshare-she’s toast. Play that parent card- potty mouth-oops you’re on a reality show. Hmm, apparently the parent card worked–oh, its Nikki for the first impression rose- you could tell they had a connection. Teeth freak says she deserves a rose –pls. Omg- they are telling who got the most votes– ouch. Megan- got the most and she’s out of here but she gets a rose? What? OMG she called them all A holes– classy. Now she’s crying- won’t her kids be proud to watch this when they’re older?

OMG- that’s so sad about Travolta’s son. My thoughts and prayers are w/that family.

Shannon the stalker didn’t freak him out. Raquel is sexy- she’ll stay- he likes the aggressiveness of Molly. I think the teacher who walked out on her kids should go. Weird– he says his future wife is in that room. Weirdness. This show seems to be about forcing connections- I think its worked out for ONE couple so far. He seems to really be willing to forge (force) those connections and he’s the marrying type– so hopefully he will find someone that is right. Marriage is a crap shoot anyway– its almost just about who’s ready to commit and take divorce off the table (as Will Smith would say)- you have to work at it and he sure seems like a hard worker. Maybe he really will find true love. Puke- who cares? Maybe I’m just all NOT caught up in the drama.

15 more minutes. I’m missing The City for this. I’ve not been in charge of the remote in many days-grr. Imagine you’re an alien and you see this show w/all these women competing for this man. I think you’d be thoroughly confused and this does not speak well for our civilization. We are voyeuristic freaks. How far away could we possibly be from Running Man. Yikes.

I can’t believe he gave roses to side pony tail girl and teeth freak. Oh well, that’s good TV I guess. Lisa too? I guess they have geek in common. LA girl– if looks could kill. He really likes to draw out the suspense. Oh- Erica? She’s totally wrong for him. I hope no one cries. Oh, Stacia seemed nice. Oh SNAP- Renee better run home and fix her vision board– but not to worry– maybe this is just the middle. Wow, she’s special! I will miss her. Hold it together Jackie- desperate much? That is a camera you’re talking to– it’s recording you and what you say. That was ill advised. Yuck- the kiss fest skeeves me out. I could NEVER tolerate that, I don’t care how cute his son is. OMG was that slap real??

Deanna shows up– WTF? That makes me feel really manipulated by the producers-grr. WHAT is she thinking? OMG that scene of him bawling is just too much! Was that right after he had to send Deanna packing? I bet it was– his ego made him do it but he wants to pls soo badly- he has to show his “public” how much it hurt and how deeply he feels. Ugh. THAT is what I mean about cheesy. Its hard to go over the top w/cheese but he does it– he is over the top. I really hope they don’t make me watch this more than once a week. That’s it for the live blog– I will miss those brain cells.

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7 Comments

Posted by on January 5, 2009 in DAMN, Reality TV, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

7 responses to “The new Bachelor– I’m gonna need some Wine w/this CHEESE! Puhleez!

  1. Navywife

    January 6, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    My BFF just sent me the link to your blog. You are hilarious and right on point. Oh, she also did a spreadsheet for us so we can keep track of the nonsense so if you want it let me know and I can forward it to you. This whole thing is so ridiculous but it sucked me in too! Look forward to hearing more from you!

     
  2. Navywife

    January 6, 2009 at 3:55 pm

    Also, dont feel bad, there are no songs about Tricia’s either!

     
  3. citizenkim

    January 6, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    Hey Navywife– thanks for reading and commenting!

    Are you serious– a spreadsheet– I LOVE IT!! that’s fabulous -I must to have it. I’m in for the long haul so it will probably be necessary to keep up w/the crazies. Pls send to citizenkimmy@earthlink.net.

     
  4. tricialish

    January 6, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    Hi citizenkim! I was searching all day for a good bachelor blog and yours is the funniest! I am the creator of the spreadsheet (the ‘nutter tricia) and we are both unfortunately hooked on the show too! Navywife is forwarding you the spreadsheet now, and please use as much as you need! I had to reference it during our recap as well as when reading your blog, it really helped. Can’t wait to hear more of your take on the CRAZIES!

     
    • citizenkim

      January 6, 2009 at 7:08 pm

      That’s awesome Tricialish– AKA the ‘nutter tricia! I can’t wait to check out your spreadsheet- I’m sure it will be most useful as we share the “pain” together– the exquisite pain that is Reality TV. It’s my secret shame!

       
  5. Navywife

    January 12, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    Another two hours tonight?

     
    • citizenkim

      January 12, 2009 at 7:51 pm

      Hey Navywife! OMG you’re right– I could have sworn I saw that it was only an hour. I was so tickled. Now I’m peeved, sadly I will probably have to take it out on the “ladies!”

      BTW Thanks again for the spreadsheet- I just LOVE that you did that. I was unable to open it on my laptop but finally got the smarts to try it on my desktop and voila! I will be using it tonight. What program did you write it in? I’m on a Mac and had to sign up for iworks (trial version) in order to read it. Its only a 30 day trial so I’m already worried. I might have to cut and paste it into excel. Anyway, must get prepared to PLANT myself on the couch for TWO hours…Dear ABC, GET AN EDITOR!!!…where’s the wine opener?

       

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