The Bachelorette- live blogging the social mutants on display.

Ally is not looking her best. tone down the “orange county glow in the dark” blond and put copious amts of conditioners in it and your bottom lip looks ridonkulous. I came in late but I did see that weatherman- geek and eek. What do you want to bet that he works for an ABC affiliate? He is milking this for all its worth- he may be genuinely interested but he is also WORKING it. Pls leave.

first up is a canadian but he seems nice and has confidence

not crazy about the 2nd w/the silly joke

3- he seems nice, a bit nervous

4- ty hmmm, perhaps its just the southern accent but, good impression

5– desperate for attention- jumps out of the sunroof– what’s a matta fool- you don’t know any f’ing shakespeare? tool.

6- ouch, but he’s cute, oops loses pts for rolling around on the floor w/odder guys.

7- jay seems british and not in a good way- not diggin it.

8- i don’t like magicians

9- kasey seems comfortable w/himself- but wait I need subtitles– he’s hard to understand.

10- cheeseball kyle. just. cheeseball.

11-roberto is hot, his job is not. I love what he said though- whatever he said– he wins some points. oh, she agrees.

12– whoa a vienna slam. I think he was on a soap opera I watched in the 80’s-= ugh

13- he seems shy- could be cute.

14- tyler- seems nervous but real.

15- john gives off a real geek vibe and ugh— girls don’t like to be made to feel uncomfortable.

16- he’s got confidence- why the dramatic pause? oh, he’s desperate for camera time- its the weather man. no.

17- craig has confidence but not as easy on the eyes as the others

18- steve, is not so tall.

19- kirk is not so tall too. And we DON’T like magicians. no.

20- boots, hmm. but he does seem cute. ooops he just mistakenly tried to reference a time when she wore boots. epic fail.

21- hunter (some fool called me – so I missed him)

22- derek, cheese ball- and you better yank that leaf off her head. no- not a fan.

23- phillip- hhas a nice confidence, doesn’t seem fake.

24- derrek- oh no, he has a nick name- shooter which he will explain later. that won’t be necessary shooter, we get it.

25- does a back flip off the car– no thanks, Jason. Thanks for playing.

Does ally have a bunny tail on? I guess that’s her mic.

Her dress is just kind of there. Roberto is cute but he reminds me of mario lopez. frank is the first to ask for alone time. I don’t dig him at all but I like that he lived in Paris for a while but WHY would you move there to write screenplays. BTW never tell people you right screenplays unless we’ve seen one in the theater. Someone just said he made a scrapbook– oh, kirk, don’t tell people that (that’s between you and your gammy). Ok, he’s letting her get to know him w/it which is clever- but he should have blamed it on his gammy- that would have made it ALMOST socially acceptable. This guy is a mumbler– they need to subtitle him– I’m missing what they’re talking about– oops she seemed to like it. WHAT did he say? Is he hearing impaired? He’s making me feel that way. Hunter- has no shame which is actually something I find really attractive (AKA will ferrel, adam sandler etc). I like to see a man playing an instrument- that’s attractive but hunter doesn’t really do it for me. Shooter- OMG he is talking about premature. EPIC FAIL. She needs to pull a Jake and ask Chris if she can send him away STAT!!!! Its not funny, it IS weird and now that’s all we can think about w/you. UGH, she’s got the weatherman/cheeseball and the soap star on the bench- blah.

roberto asked for alone time- kindof awkward timing but a good move. He’s also the only one I noticed her have a “whoa he’s sexy” type reaction to. He’s a FL boy, folks still together, entrepreneur– all’s good. Asks what she’s looking for- that’s nice. He’s got the 1st impression rose FO SHO. Oh, a dancer, nice.

I’m diggin the cape cod dude. WTF– he just LIED! NOT COOL. Maybe it happened recently and he’s emotional. When my dog died I didn’t tell classmates for months bc I couldn’t talk about it w/out crying! Someone w/terrible hair just gave her a fishing hook- yuk. Jay the lawyer and the hook guy get the boot- if it was from me. God, I hope she sends the cheeseball/weatherman home. I don’t dig the wrestler either– total waste of a good looking guy too. He should stop talking. OH NO, the wrestler just let the cat out of the bag that wrestling is FAKE- yank that passport. Oh, good- he’s getting called out for having the wrong motivation- points for Craig though he is giving me a real big brother vibe. I didn’t hear the story behind the tiny shoes but she likes it and appreciates having a big bro for advice. She’s worried about people being there for the wrong reasons- you know, like how she was feeling when she talked w/producers about creating the losing job must leave fiction so that she’d get to be the next bachelorette.

Chris just came in to stir the pot w/the secret mean girls ballot- nice. Kyle’s job is…outdoorsman…that must be nice. I would definitely vote that weatherboy off. Keep the wrestler around- cheese is not a threat. Oh, that’s the first suit you’ve ever bought. You shouldn’t tell people that unless you’re 12. I like the way he talks – a nice gift and he made it w/power tools. I like guys who love their sister’s– What’s his name? I likey. Somebody called soapstar out for having a toupee. funny but I don’t think so- that’s quite an elaborate hair hat if so. I like this southern boy w/the prominent ears. WOW, look at his chest- yes pls! Oh CALLED IT– Roberto gets the 1st rose. This is cringe worthy though.

Jay is slick, and not in a good way. Chris brings the awkward in strong. I hope that dude that just brought the ballot in got paid alot bc that looked awfully toolish and unecessary. Justin got a lot of votes, damn I wish it was cheesyweatherboy. The wrestler looks good and can speak, he’ll stay- she will think the men are jealous bc that’s the way she’d vote. The soap star cannot put a tie and shirt together- yuk.

8 will go home- that doesn’t sound suspicious at all- I’m sure ally didn’t come up w/that number. Jesse gets the first one, I’m not going to name all of them. I’ll just comment on the 8 losers. Hunter looks like he will cut a bitch if he doesn’t get one. Weatherboy is NERVOUS. I bet he loves the movie LA Story. So do I but for different reasons– plllls send him home. OMG the soap star stays. She has weird taste. We do have to keep in mind that she is ABSOLUTELY the producer’s little bitch she will do WHATEVER they like. Which MUST be why she just kept weatherboy. I dislike this girl and see through her obvious desperation for FAME. That fat bottom lip of hers REALLY bothers me- WHY do something so obviously artificial. Angelina is beautiful bc she was born that way– other people need to STOP– nobody is pulling that look off freakshows. Shooter is going to need some serious surgery and the services of witness protection bc he will NEVER live that down.

OMG it looks like this season will be HEAVY on the cheese. Ally thinks she’s auditioning for becoming America’s sweetheart. She is SUPER aware of being on camera. PLEEEEEEASE tell me someone didn’t try to open a vein over this. Oh no, someone w/a girlfriend too?! I feel dirty…and so manipulated. See ya next week.
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PS- those jersey wives get about 1/2 my attn. I’m allergic to too much. but….damn they are really just begging for it. jackie is so cute – she’s my favorite but she should take charge a bit more w/her daughter. the life coach may sound silly and it does, but its also not a bad idea to help her focus. she should have pitched it better– and said- i know it sounds goofy but who knows? i’ll go w/you, let’s go and if its goofy then we’ll have had a good laugh. Then I’d make it a pre-req for getting laundry privileges- HA you got her. sweet and sour. i can’t believe caroline couldn’t talk her sons out of the whole strip club story line- i love her but this skeeves me out.

danielle– looks and acts reptilian– she is just seething evil- its leaking all over the place. I feel like she could peel of a thin layer and she would be one of those creatures we fear and loathe- hunter thompson style. She creeps me out. This benefit at the brownstone is not at all obvious– good job producers.

whoa– jackie just put it DOWN on danielle. so true!!! she is ON. wow, loving caroline too. I guess dina is getting some kind of bonus for agreeing to keep danielle in the storyline.

ugh, I can’t even mention the embarrassing carwash incident. Exploit women=good business– way to be a man Caroline’s son. just yuk. and i already showered.

jeez- is danielle trying to sell her daughter? this is weird. is she trying to scare her enemies? check that off your list crazy girl. handle w/care- she and kelly bensimon should hang out. Are you there Bravo gods? Its me Kim. Could you make that happen pls. Have the whitesuits on standby but just think about the ratings GOLD of getting those nutballs together.

I swear Theresa is 11 yrs old. I would definitely keep her around for sheer entertainment. She would get an invite to every sleepover– she always brings the best barbies- and she is unmatched at playing dress up. Oh, getting leaky over the godmother invite– that’s so sweet. that’s a nice catholic tradition– do the diet catholics do that?

jeez w/the previews– its all sopranos up in there. trying to lure me back. bastiches!

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OMG- dean is soo desperate. He’s sooo obviously trying to get on that stupid star dancing show that’s too annoying to mention. gross I don’t even know if I can watch this show– Tori and Dean. pls stop.

Is that smart to put play-doh in the mouth in front of impressionable children?

I do like to watch them redecorate though. I don’t always agree w/her taste, though I’m almost w/her on the TV love, but I like to watch anyone decorate. Dean skeeves me out– his desperate, faux super-earnest bid for attn is just too obvious. its painful. Pls, like Dean is lacking self confidence– he can barely carry that head of his around. He’s just like one of those whiny girls who always needs reassurance. There is nothing tori and dean won’t do for these producers. Its funny though bc I still somehow find Tori so likable– and I used to hate her and say terrible mean things about her when she was Donna. Ah, maturity. 😉 Her, not me. Obviously.

Are they really putting diapers on that chicken? Dean should NOT be allowed to race– I get the distinct impression that he sux. That’s so cute/clueless- she didn’t know paint doesn’t come out of clothes. Where’s that button that lets me strike through words??? I loved that button. I haven’t been blabbing in a while. Good motorcycle advice for Dean. He’s not a bikes best friend. True that Dean- w/out your family you’re nothing. Now don’t just say it super earnestly into the camera, just do it.

oops I just figured out that Ali spells it like Mohommed. Now I will think of her as ALI. Floats like a dragonfly, stings like a wasp. She’s about to come out on Jimmy Kimmel. She looks cute- side pony tail girl has brought the twins out to play and still needs to tone down her hair. ALSO–We’d like to know a little more about you for our files. We’d like to help you learn to help yourself.

Her lip looks a bit more normal. Ali seems to be saying she found love but really not saying much of anything. What she’s TRULY in love w/is herself and you Jimmy, bc you’re giving her time on TV. Oh, I never saw those extra clips of the tool that climbed out of the roof and didn’t even quote shakespeare– he needs to go. She’s a freak, she just admitted to liking sensitive pony tail guys and dudes who wear fanny packs. She needs help. Jimmy just invited her back each week- that should be fun. He makes me laugh and worships letterman like I do.

Looks like Monday night will be all reality ALL night– that sux bc I also have to watch those crazy bitches in NYC– bc those housewives are putting the batshit DOWN HARD! Did you see Kelly Bensimon go mental on TV– almost sad. Almost. She has been righteously begging for it since last season– she is UNBELIEVABLY IMPRESSED w/herself. Its fascinating.

That was sweet of Dean at the end but again, Obvious Boy, he just wanted to not go to bed w/her V Jay jay mad at him.

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Casey: Compelling Motivation to Party Like a Rock Star

Jose keeps saying that AT TRIAL it will ALL be revealed as to WHY Casey Danced her Ass, ASS off while her little girl was “missing” !!!???!!! This is interesting bc I CANNOT see how he’s NOT setting himself up for a fall, for- an armada of police cars to deal w/your client if you will. I’m pretty sure this is a path that he should NOT stumble down. You are writing a check that your skills, the facts, no one in their right mind woulda coulda shoulda cash, Jose. BIG mistake, colossal, HUGE. IMO. Now I’ve been TRYING to be nice to Jose ever since he got his panties in a wad over a previous post but COME ON JOSE, pls don’t make it so difficult. We don’t want to, as the court doesn’t want to…”tee off on her.” However…

First of all, how are you going to establish the story w/out putting your girl on the stand? OOPS. Secondly, any reason you could possibly fathom will not be able to accommodate ALL of the juvenile, thoughtless, slutty, criminal, loathsome, abhorrent and completely asinine things your client has done. Thirdly, WHY in the hell haven’t you released a sketch of the nanny or the “perp”- WHO took that baby and killed her??? IF you truly believe your client didn’t do it- then you should be OBSESSED w/finding out WHO DID IT??D!!!@#$%^ Hey, how about putting out a SKETCH of the perp? I’m just saying.

But I AM actually FASCINATED by the idea of your story. Let’s all just take a moment or two and really stretch our imaginations. I will give a brand new copy of the Diane Fanning book on Caylee – to the best scenario. I accidentally bought two. Well, I pre-ordered one from Amazon and then they shanked me and didn’t get it to me in a timely manner. I was leaving the country so I was FORCED to buy another one at the airport. It’s not impressive IMO- anyone could have written it- it seems to be almost entirely transcripts of intvs- which most of us (obsess much?) have read and there are many typos (which believe it or not is a major pet peeve of mine). Granted there are many here- but this is a vastly different medium. I am mostly RANTING here and using things like OMG and IMO. IF I were to publish- I would make good and gosh darn sure that I didn’t have any typos AND BONUS –I would NEVER use the word MACADAM. That’s a promise! Has anyone else noticed how that word is popping up w/MUCH too much regularity? I’m pretty sure Diane Fanning used it, Dean Koontz can’t get enough of it and I was recently subjected to it thanks to Robin Cook, Ann Rule and Dominick Dunne. For some reason it annoys the crap out of me. Just say pavement- we ALL have access to a thesaurus – color me unimpressed. It makes me want to POUND my head into the MACADAM!! BTW- did you see that hilarious toss that Jon Stewart and Colbert did the other day– about the thesaurus?? Too funny- I will look for a link.

Now back to the compelling reasons to party like a rock star. I am not here to suggest that there are NO reasons to party like a rock star. I myself have stumbled across MANY: freshman in college, first credit card, first Grateful Dead/Rolling Stones/Van Halen concert, first time in Amsterdam, best friend’s wedding, open bar… you get the idea. There are a PLETHORA of good reasons to engage in such activity. HOWEVER, if my daughter, or hell, even my DOG were missing I would need something happening on a sort of Tony Soprano scale with CONSTANT reinforcement to make me get my groove on and do NOTHING for a month.

Sorry Jose but we’re just going to have to apply the “we’re not quite as stupid as you (think we are)” line of reasoning here. What could POSSIBLY be the reason that would compel YOU to go out to bars, recruiting everyone you know (through facebook, myspace and text msgs) to join you in the party, the all white party, the anything but clothes party the hot body contest and the plain old dancing on stage w/a girl for the cameras at the club party, all the while – you NEVER use your phone or computer to research WHO took your daughter, you never create a file- try to look up Zanny or her roommates, of course you never call the police or tell your parents, friends, ANYONE who actually exists. You go about your life as if nothing is amiss, you ONLY speak of Caylee when asked and when prompted come up w/DETAILED agendas of who she’s with and where. The person you sleep with…the one you live with and say I love you to- you NEVER mention any of this to him and are able to completely snow him?!

OK, so let’s think about a scenario. I don’t work so perhaps I’m engaged in something nefarious. Which I’ve suspected but wouldn’t that have come out? I’ve seen ONE picture that looks like Casey engaged in porno/paris hilton type behavior. IF she was doing that…then where was the money? Is THAT how she’s paying Jose? IF they prosecutor’s know this- wouldn’t we know it by now????

Anyway- that’s one scenario that I can fathom- IF I dial my brain down to almost stupid. Let’s suppose…I’ve been engaged in something like this- and the people I work for are SHADY. Something I’ve done has pissed them off. They take my daughter in order to convince me to rectify the error. Well, if my character was appropriately shady, I think I MIGHT think– OK, I don’t want my secret to come out, I will do what they say and I will get my daughter back w/out anyone finding out I’m a dirtball. Problem here is- would that take me a MONTH before I re- PRIORITIZED as to my daughter’s life?? NO!! I would comply immediately and if unsuccessful- get SOMEONE involved. Considering my incredible capacity for lying- I might try to turn the tables on them and get police involved w/out them knowing. Which is what MOST RATIONAL PEOPLE do when something horrific happens and they are warned against getting police involved.

Does anyone remember the intv when George was shown pictures or something that detectives warned him about, then apologized for and which George then had to leave the room for and vomit? Something very upsetting— I’m sure I’m getting the details wrong. WHAT was that?

IF Casey was making money this way– as in some sex trade job– I wouldn’t be surprised. Jane on ISSUES HLN had Jose on the other day and he said that the money question as to HOW he’s getting paid was CONFIDENTIAL. No SHIT, Sherlock, we KNOW that you plan to make your NAME from this case. That kind of publicity can be priceless. BUT I’m still curious about Casey’s story about hearing about Jose– she tells Lee that she heard about him from a fellow “inmate” in booking, and then w/out prompting (she likes to bolster her lies) she says something like yeah but not only that inmate recommended him but others in the line did too. As if to say…. OHHHH, so all of these people who are sitting in jail- they have someone they recommend. That’s like accepting – Mrs. Nussbaum’s credit card bc….As long as we have a VOUCHER. ANYWAY, that doesn’t really matter BUT what would surprise me would be her actually having money bc WHERE is the MONEY??? Would she risk blowing her cover SOOOO many times by stealing money from Caylee’s bank, asking folks for money etc. when her DAD is a former COP who has ALREADY demonstrated suspicion as to her employment. Granted, maybe the POINT was she was building a nest egg in order to disappear to CALI once she had killed Caylee. But you would think, (which may be a mistake- DON’T THINK- YOU’RE CASEY) that she would care enough to keep her parents (especially dad) off her back so that the EXIT plan would seem smooth. HMMM.

Anyway, WHAT could POSSIBLY be the scenario? The COMPELLING reason Casey NEVER reported her daughter missing and acted like she didn’t give a damn that she was gone???!@#$

 

Is that Chemistry I Taste or Just Your Tonsils? Watching The Bachelor 1/26.

I came in about 20 minutes late but it doesn’t look like I missed anything…except girlfriend coming home from her date doing the AM walk of shame in HIS CLOTHES. You know something is seriously wrong w/your dating situation when you have to say about another girl…I don’t like that she smells like him and is wearing his pants. Saucer of milk– Table 2! Ugh the set of General Hospital– who cares– the crazy girl volunteers to kiss him– she is working my last nerve. OMG– they are actually going to act and ICK he’s going to suck face w/even more of them. OMG this is sooo unbelievably BAD. Pls tell me they aren’t going to air this on that soap? Desperate much? Does that girl have a wig on? BAD WIG and that fur coat is fugly– WTF? She must have really pissed off the stylist- she looks ridiculous and Melissa needs to tame her Sarah Palin Poof– its trying to eat her head.

Nikki and Bama are having a pity party by the pool–we’re such good girls, who loved really deeply and lost really tragically. Ugh, I don’t know who I see him with? It really bothers me that I care. I’m actually wondering…WHERE’S DEANNA? Can you say b!tch on daytime TV? Meagan is straight up MUNCHING on his face. GROSS! The other girls are all whiny– that wasn’t a screen kiss– you were trying to take advantage of an oppty. Um, thank you Captain Obvious. This season is just a whole crew of CRAZY w/ a healthy dose of dork tossed in— Would you like EXTRA CHEESE w/that?

Oh no, poor Naomi- the fact that he made out w/a BUNCH of other girls makes it LESS special? Are ya sure? I just really don’t get it w/this show– how can these girls put themselves out there like that? Naomi needs to fix her hair and don’t even get me started on Melissa. Megan is embracing the process. Who is that girl between her and Crazy? She looks matronly. Megan was just telling him how she doesn’t see how the other girls can say this is SOO hard but she doesn’t see it that way…and THEN she pulls a POUTY face and almost cries bc he doesn’t stick his tongue down her throat. Lauren is about to get all SUPER bossy– yeah, that’s right sweetie, people LOVE to get bossed around. She just demanded the rose and told us if she doesn’t get it she will be PISSED– yeah, we got that.

OMG Melissa is turning on the water works. Jason is reassuring her about their connection. Evidently he feels a connection w/just about everyone. Or at least his tongue feels a connection w/their tonsils–UGH!! I on the other hand DON’T feel a connection w/him at all. I am finding him less and less attractive- and we didn’t start at a very good place there anyway. He is a bit of a goober! Now, don’t get me wrong–he does seem really sweet — and some girls like goobers…they are just not for me. I think its possible Jason hasn’t had a whole lot of dating experience and so now he’s like a kid in a candy store. Didn’t he see Willy Wonka? Bad things can happen when you over indulge–you can turn blue, and swell up and…ok that’s enough. Crazy girl is sensing rejection– that’s cause you let a little too much crazy leak out crazy girl. You’ve got to keep some of that on the DL till you’re sure you’ve reeled them in. 😉

I wonder if this batch of women is extra crazy bc they were pre-screened to be ready to be his baby’s mama?? So these women have clocks that are ticking like Marissa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny. Desperate much?

Wow- there’s only one rose -ouch- for these two. Maybe that’s why he’s going to upset the rose ceremony. IF he’s does then that will be really cruel to whichever girl still there who he’s holding back from. Oh, that’s pretty, I love twinkle lights. Oh, GOOD ANOTHER woman- a dance instructor. Ouch, Jason and Nikki are soo awkward. It almost makes me think they ARE right for each other– they are both nerds. I’m sorry but he looks really dorky dancing. Oh no, Nikki is going to melt down- wow, I can’t believe she actually cut in.

I somehow think he will send Steph/Bama home- bc the connection is slower and she has a child– she would be harder to relocate. Wow, I wonder what happened w/the 11 year relationship– whoa a sudden dumping– that’s ROUGH! Nikki just seems more real somehow– I think Bama has her head in the clouds a bit– thinking- oh, this is meant to be bc of what I’ve been through. I think he will keep Nikki. Wow, he kept Steph- I don’t think she’ll win in the end but maybe he was worried that Nikki wouldn’t be ready to settle down. It seems like Nikki is handling herself well, well at least she’s not crying– I can’t stand how she puts herself down…I’m not smart enough, or pretty enough– Its not fair…I think Nikki is sweet but just a little naive and she needs to get more confidence. That ex-boyfriend apparently did quite a number on her self esteem. Poor Nikki.

Looks like they’re drinking pinkpantypulldowns–they really shouldn’t drink before they do their hair. Their hair really bothers me on this show. Can you tell? He seems to really dig Melissa- she might be the front runner for me– which is probably the kiss of death for her. OMG– does he really have to kiss EVERYBODY???? Its disgusting. OMG I TYPE o-m-g I DO NOT use it in conversation. He asks Megan if she knows how to waltz. Um, you don’t know how to waltz either Jason. Lauren is annoying but Jason still needs to look for chemistry in the back of her mouth.

Here’s the rose ceremony. Mr. Serious face comes out all- I know it will be devastating when some of you don’t get to date me. Megan will get the final. Oh uh, nobody. He’s all caught up in the drama. That seems extra mean to not give it out- you just made out w/all of them and let them open up to you. Maybe if you’d have conversed w/them instead of tonguing them you might have known more about them–OR —you could even have given them the chance to listen to you explain how you like them as a friend instead of sucking their face before telling them to get lost!! Crazy is going to go home and use her electric toothbrush- ok, thanks for sharing- I would do quite a lot of that.

Jason toasts here’s to the 5 most wonderful women I’ve ever met— One of you will the the grand prize of spending the rest of your life w/me (or words to that effect). GAG! Next week they’re going to Seattle. Lauren is singing a song about being famous– she really shouldn’t be singing- and she really shouldn’t be singing that song!! Those girls are NOT your friends sweetie. That song is kindof how I feel about all these people though– they just want to be famous. Gross!

Watching The City now, damn that Olivia is a b!tch. She keeps giving Whitney unsolicited advice, then pretty much tells her she’s immature and catty and I’m too good to act so childish…but I’d love to come over for a drink. Yikes Catarina and Ali are going to meet? That’s what you get 2 timing dirt ball. Is that true that Cat didn’t know he had a girlfriend? I thought she did- hmm. That seems rude how they say art gallery opening instead of the name of the gallery– Greedy much MTV? Maybe the owner was an ass? Who knows?

Cat is gorgeous–ouch this is such an awkward conversation. Adam is so busted. Poor Ali- she’s handling that well- oh, so sad, Cat says, I can’t be here anymore to which Ali replies, you can’t be HERE anymore? Well, I can’t go HOME anymore. She lives w/the dirtball. And just to make it extra special there just millions of people watching your humiliation on TV. The dirtball/Adam is still lying. I would either cut him off and not speak to him ever (or for at least a few months and only then as a distant friend). OR I would ask him to take a lie detector. People who cheat suck. Surely Cat wouldn’t be lying? I would find that scenario MUCH harder to believe!

Olivia and her cousin are annoying- there she goes w/another bit of unsolicited advice. Jay is siding w/Adam for something completely new. I think he’s lying about what Adam said to the direct question- right?? Jay needs to be careful how he treats Whitney. We KNOW how desperate you are to be on this show! Ali agreed to meet w/Adam- greeting w/a hug and a kiss. Is she wearing an engagement ring? Adam is feeding her BS and she is gobbling it up. She’s going to believe him- interesting. Didn’t she mention in a previous episode that something like that happens every time she goes out of town? If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…he’s probably a F*CK.

 

Top Chef Restaurant Wars = Culinary Boner– uh, keep the love in the kitchen.

Oooh, food AND sex– in the previews they show that we’re going to get to see some of the showmance between Leah and Hosea. Good bc all we’ve seen so far is the one sided one between Stephan and Jamie– the word lesbian means nothing to him.

This is one of my favorite shows- and I don’t even cook – weird. So far I like Rhadika the best. OH, snap– Hosea has a girlfriend???!!!! I didn’t know that– what a scumball. He had always seemed so nice.

Stephen Starr is the guest judge- a powerhouse restauranteur- according to Hosea. The quick fire is preparing a tasting for Stephen- serve one dish that will showcase your concept for a restaurant. Stephen will pick 2 and those 2 will be team captains in the restaurant war challenge. NICE!

Leah seems to being buckling under pressure– oh I saw a bottle of sriracha sauce– my FAVORITE condiment.

Yum, yum gimme some!

Though I don’t love it quite as much as Casey- who in a previous season/challenge tried to use it in an ice cream dish. Bad idea!

Rhadika always seems soo nervous and she’s so modest but she comes out on top a lot. Jamie on the other hand is the opposite of modest. Oh pls, she says she doesn’t even want to win this quickfire. I like Carla- I’m not sure she’s ready to win but she’s pretty good and she’s funny!

Leah’s dish looks like catfood. I always liked her too but– Hosea, has a girlfriend?! = eww. That’s not kosher. Jeff seems to be under the pressure a lot too– I don’t think we’ve seen his best. Ouch– refreshing to get a dish so simple…that’s what he said about Jamies- that’s one of those comments that sounds like a compliment but… is it? Fabio is soo arrogant but somehow likeable too– Stephan is arrogant w/out pulling off the likeable as well.

Yeah- Rhadika won! and Leah got second– both of the ones who wig out w/the pressure. What do you mean you can’t let it turn into anything Hosea? Too little too late. How do you think your girlfriend will feel- seeing you snuggling on the couch? That alone would be grounds for dismissal for me.

Oh, snap! Leah has a boyfriend. WHAT are these people thinking? That’s funny that Stephan always seems to get picked last– DOES NOT PLAY NICELY W/OTHERS!

Sahana- is there restaurant- it means strong and powerful in sanskrit. Oh no– Rhadika should be in the KITCHEN– did she just say she’s doing front of the house.

Stephan is soo bossy. They are doing something Asian. $5,000 just to decorate? Nice. Top Chef seems to have upped to budget. I would love to drop $5K in Pier 1! I love the color of the walls in that loft– purple– the color of crazy people. Leah needs to stand up for herself– if you don’t do it now- you won’t be able to do it in front of the judges. Oh dear, Jamie is kind of taking over for Rhadika.

Someone needs to stand up to Stephan– its ridiculous– why are they so intimidated. I would absolutely sit him down– you need to tell me all about your dish– I’m the captain. Ooh, here’s the snuggling. Does Hosea, think that he can say– oh, I was just laying there, she was snuggling me. Uh, no — there’s the door. OMG an add for NYC Housewives– TV is so evil! I don’t like being seduced and under its control. Its like whenever I don’t get enough caffeine and get a monster headache– I get reminded that I’m under its control—grrr! But some of these reality shows — these social mutants on display– it is absolutely beyond my control. I need to know.

Oh, Hosea just admitted that they kissed. Yuck- were they drunk- WTF? Stephan should not be talking about causing tension for the group — hello pot, this is the kettle…

Sunset Lounge– that’s the name and Hosea just said he doesn’t think that anyone in the history of Restaurant Wars has come up w/such a solid concept. Uh, please– I live on coast– sunset lounge = NOT original.

I can’t believe Stephan is doing desserts. I can’t decide who’s menu I like better– they both have good elements. Oh, its sad actually for Hosea and Leah– they are not cooking w/LOVE- they are cooking everyone a nice dish of GUILT. UGH– NEVER get a bony fish in a time crunch situation– that’s NOT smart. Ooh, was that some foreshadowing– Hoseah just said- she knows if our restaurant fails- its her fault. Is he going to throw Leah under the bus?

Stephan is having trouble w/the freezer– Leah says so what are you going to do– offering to help– he just says– I’ll fix it. That’s not a good enough answer to me. Oh dear, Carla sound like she’s prepping to make an under the bus toss too. She says that Rhadika is not making any decisions. HA HA– Jeff feels like a humming bird on cocaine. Fabio– looks like he borrowed John Travolta’s outfit from Saturday Night Fever. He’s so funny- he says w/me in the front of the house- we could serve monkey’s azz in a clam shell and still win — where is your confidence Fabio. Oh, a commercial w/Stephanie from last season– Love her!

Yikes, Jamie is a bit abrasive– always be nice to your servers. Judges are harsh on the bread- dude, its just bread. This menu looks like Jamie more than Rhadika– she’s already done some soup and some scallops that were big winners. Hmm, I wouldn’t advertise tomato water. They are not having much negative to say– ooh except the dishwater comment – he’s harsh- what was he talking about? Oh, no- it sounds like the dessert for Rhadika is going to be a disaster– for something completely new. Oh no- someone said it tastes like lotion- of one of the desserts. Oh no– the people are sensing Rhadika’s stress- that’s not good. The judge’s just left and didn’t get a goodbye– they seemed to do that just to be able to throw that in her face.

Ok, here’s Fabio’s side– Jamie’s team. He’s such a flirt. YUM that amuse bouche sounds yummy– but oops- they didn’t like it. The app was under seasoned– kiss of death for judges. Oh no, the cod is WAY under cooked. This team is going DOWN. Leah is probably going home and she knows it. Its weird that they would make it so obvious though– I’m wondering if Bravo isn’t trying to trick us. In most reality shows they say that the producers have some input in addition to the judges. If Leah goes home we will KNOW that the producer’s have a heavy hand in who stays and who goes.

Complaint fest in the stew room. I guess the Sunset Lounge won– they got called in first. Well, that saves Leah– hmm— coincidence? They say that the people very slightly favored them in the comments. I guess maybe they remember the dessert best bc its last. OK, well now I predict Carla will go home which sucks bc I like her. Actually Rhadika may kill herself in front of the judge’s here bc she’s so nice and she’s feeling so defeated.

Oh, Carla is ready to go too– she’s admitting fault. She’s so funny– she says she was sending out love– Tom is not laughing. Keep the love in the kitchen– send out good dessert. Tom is being so harsh on Rhadika. Is Bravo trying to trick us again? It certainly seems like they are going to send Rhadika home so they will probably send Carla home. I think I’m just wishful thinking. But I like Carla too. OMG Rhadika is going home– bummer. Well, she’s young– I think she’s an excellent and very creative chefs.

Oh, nice– next week all stars from past seasons– that should be fun!

 

The Bachelor needs to see YOU in a bikini-STAT! Let the SHOWmance begin.

Bring on the fantasy dates and cue the non-reality! ANOTHER 2 hours– is this what we can expect every week? You better bring the crazy on hard bc that is quite a commitment. ABC either won’t pay an editor or won’t pay some writers– this does NOT need to be a 2 hour show.

Wow, they are really playing that Deanna card hard. We get it- it will be dramatic. Someone will be overly sincere, someone will give a heartfelt revelation and someone will cry– my prediction. Its hard to watch and blog- I feel like I miss a lot. But they may re-air it. Sometime this weekend- my mom called and told me that the Bachelor was on again– grr– I had to take a peek but thankfully it was a re-run. So I imagine they will replay this one.

I LOVE the spooky music whenever that chick talked about the law of attraction– it hurts me that she’s gone. Wow, w/this whole recap- you didn’t even have to watch the show. Tonight they are moving into the mansion– cue the non reality. Uh, I’m going to need to see all of you ladies in a bikini PRONTO. Bring on the fantasy dates– cheese much? Oh- someone refuses to say good bye- yum yum gimme sum! Coming up on the bachelor! I’m a little bit giddy. Yikes–what a loser, now I’m a little bit sad. I have a feeling I will get over it in about 90 seconds.

Llasa apso still has her hair like that and I have still not looked up how to spell that dog’s name. All the ladies already have a cocktail– that makes for good TV but didn’t that host just say good MORNING ladies? Well, whatever works- its 5 o’clock somewhere right? Not all of you will get a date w/Jason every week. (We’re gonna need some cat fights right?) Jason wants to see and be seen in swim wear- but of course. Jason’s hair reminds me of Letterman’s. Its an interesting hairline when its brushed a certain way. Oh, Megan is llasa apsa– she’s the one they all voted off- he just called her aside for some private time- yeah, that will make the girls like her better. Jason looks good unclothed- that’s about the right amount of chest hair. Whoa, Kari has an even bigger llasa apso than Megan. OMG I’m so done w/the hot dog and the weiner fixins conversation- ugh sharing the burrito like a champagne glass– too much. I’m not feeling her at ALL!

Shannon, the dental hygienist wearing that white glitter bikini is perfect- for her. She is putting it all out there- all of her desperation. He seems to dig that. I don’t think that I will be very good predicting who he picks bc I’m not diggin’ him and I’m not really diggin’ who he’s diggin’. Three girls go home tonight- nice- that should conjure up just the right amount of crazy.

Wow, Stacey Lannert just had her sentence commuted by the governor– from life to 20 years. She’s already served 18 so she will be eligible for parole very soon. I think that’s appropriate if I recall the case correctly. I will look for a link later. She killed her father after years of physical and sexual abuse– he was starting in on her little sister so she shot him. She was a teenager and obviously that was not the right thing to do but- he didn’t allow her to grow up and develop into someone with the ability to reason like an adult. (I’m watching Nancy Grace on commercials.)

I wonder how Jason was in high school? I’m getting a real nerd vibe. Shannon is throwing ice cubes up at Jason and co on the balcony- how mature. Oh they call her Sha na nay- that’s perfect. Ouch, the girl standing there w/the drinks is soo awkward- I guess she’s a little too southern to interrupt. I bet she’s not too southern to play that sympathy card again. Oh, he’s about to give the rose- I have NO idea who he will give it to. Oh, Jillian– didn’t he already give her the first impression rose? OMG Natalie is crying– what a baby! That’s nice of Raquel to comfort her- I like her. She’s a med student though- I wonder how that will play. Will she relocate? Jason seems like he wants a susie homemaker.

Ooh, commercial for Scrubs- I love that show- I forgot all about it. I wonder how many I’ve missed?

Oh goodness- that girl talking about her hair is a freak- she would have had to wear it curly?? Devastating. WHAT is he wearing? He could have dressed a little nicer- it looks inappropriate next to her- it looks like a Hanes Beefy T. Oh, its the dad from Growing Pains, oh no wait- its his son. That would make me feel so awkward- a private concert- I think she handled it well actually. They’re not the best dancers but I LOVE people who dance- big points in my book- almost w/out exception. His microphone looks like he borrowed it from Baraba Streisand– its gold and VERY shiny. Ugh, kissing already- who started that? I missed it. I think its definitely too early. How do you think that makes Mr. Seaver feel- having to watch that? I don’t appreciate it either. I think Jason is going to get himself lots of tongue this season. I saw him on a couple of talk shows this week and Jimmy Kimmel was asking him- how his fiance will feel watching it. Jason said, obviously I think she would feel better NOT watching it- but that is up to her. How kind, you let her have free will? There’s NO WAY IN HELL she’s NOT going to watch it – are you kidding me? That would skeeve me out to see him making out w/a bunch of other girls while “we” were “falling in love” …and I would probably be losing some finger jewelry.

He says Melissa is someone who stops a room when she walks into it– in his experience those types of girls are usually not ready to settle down. Melissa seems nice- oh she wants to teach 1st grade- that will be big points w/him. That southern girl wears a lot of makeup. A big group date is coming up- putting the glam in Hollywood glamor. This Melissa date is much more my style- oh I even dig the blimp thing. Wow, she asks the rose question– its like a giant magic 8 ball — too early to tell- OUCH! She’s ballsy– her next question is will I get a kiss? Um, that would be yes- are you kidding me? Oh WOW- they get to ride in the blimp– too cool- I covet. That’s awesome. Ok, its awkward watching them kiss- but it actually seemed like a really sweet kiss. Molly plants one on him in front of everyone? I bet that is Megan in the limo that won’t take no for an answer– she didn’t get a date right?

Oh please– can we recreate the scene from pretty woman?– just in case you ladies don’t already feel enough like a prostitute. Sharon seems cute- a bit nerdy but cute. Ugh, the green and black dress is fugly. Oh dear, his outfit looks like something Blossom’s brother might have worn. Ouch, Erica’s last boyfriend cheated on her w/a 52 year old–she must have a cougar phobia. OMG- pls don’t dance like that Jason– I take that back what I said about dancing– you should NOT do that in public. I love the synchronized swim– me and my sis used to do that. Molly’s talent is she’s a good kisser– UGH– that was awkward! Is he really just going to play tonsel hockey w/everyone. Nikki- is about to lose it- she doesn’t want to hear it. WHOA– she’s only kissed ONE guy EVER– her boyfriend of 11 years– danger! He will probably like that. Wow, now she’s trying to throw some girls under the bus- saying they’re not ready to be moms. He says- just know that I know that you ARE ready. What? How does he know that? He just told Naomi that she’s a wonderful person and then stuck his tongue down her throat. That is really just GROSS! Its too much for me. Oh, he gave Molly the rose- either she really WAS a really good kisser or he just wants to signal to the other girls that he likes that type of aggression. Don’t cry Naomi- that is beneath you. OMG its Raquel who jumped into the limo– that surprised me. He does not seem pleased- he seems freaked out. OK, she might be crazy– the talk about wanting someone to be so in love that if she dies– he would be so devastated he would probably never remarry– yikes– that’s right sweetie, let all the crazy out.

Erica seems real. Jason senses something in the air– yeah, that’s called desperation, how perceptive. Jason, gets schooled by Lauren– she says she needs it to be more of a 2 way street. See ya later needy. Shannon- asks if he remembers her name? OMG she is such a tool- and what a stalker! She annoys the crap out of me. She’s a freak show– she can picture Ty and her puppy together. Thanks for playing crazy. He might not have the heart to crush you yet but you’re done- stick a fork in her. Southern girl- ouch her dress is too tight– the twins need to breathe sweetie. OMG- how sad about her hubbies plane crash! Her dress is hideous- its hurting me. Her make up is too much and too light. If you spent that much time on your face- how do you think that makes your hair feel? Like a ball of crud? Yup. I’m sorry, bad Kim!

Oh, no poor Lisa– she has a family member that is very ill- she’s going home. That’s the right decision. Nikki- that was cold- just a fake kiss (off)- good riddance. Everytime I think I like someone they do something that changes my mind a bit. I can’t wait for him to narrow the field. I hope he still sends home 3 girls, even though Lisa left.

Megan is going to kill Molly- she already has a rose AND she stole him! Has she MET Megan? She’s playing it fast and lose w/her personal safety– the girl is a lacrosse coach– that’s not girly man! Oh, was Erica being two faced? I was too busy typing. Wow, don’t mess w/Erica- she put the smack down on Megan. Nikki- is CATTY! Why don’t you just go ahead and tell him what to do sweetie– are you ACHING for him? It’s getting painful to watch. Megan- why don’t you just go ahead and wear a side pony tail girl? A weird vibe Natalie really? 25 girls throwing themselves at one guy- weird? How perceptive.

OMG- Stephanie is missing her daughter’s birthday? That’s SUPER sad! I don’t think I would do that. Wouldn’t they have let her go? How old is her little girl? He says Nikki has really shown him that he can trust her– WHAT WHY? She’s playing you dude.

The rose ceremony is coming up. He might send home the southern girl- for trying too hard and so she can be there for her little girl’s Bday. I don’t know- its hard to keep track for me. I wish I had TIVO. I have resisted bc “TV is just not that important to me” — but who are we kidding? Obviously it IS…its deeply important. And after this I’m going to watch The Hills- take that.

He looks good in that suit. He’s kind of rockin’ the David Letterman hair again– whenever its not combed just right…or maybe when it is. Whatever– I LOVE Dave so that doesn’t bother me. Megan and Nikki get the first two roses- then needy- I mean Lauren. Oh no, I bet Sharon is going home- I like her- but I guess he didn’t get to know her. Naomi gets the third, OK, Stephanie gets the fourth (I can’t call anything). 5th- Kari, her llasa apso ‘do is a little calmer tonight
6th- Natalie, she did some apropriate talking about kids- her nephew and neice
7th- Sha nay nay– say it ain’t so!
8th- and FINAL rose- I predict Erica– OMG I was right!

Sharon- Oh- I forgot she was the one who quit her job! The producer’s must like her- they cut away before she cried. Raquel- may have just been GUD (geographically undesirable)– not to mention a DOC– how will you be able to devote yourself to Jason and his son?

Oh- Steph gets a date and her daughter gets to come- how sweet- ouch- they just banged into each other on the beach. She seems just too skinny and too made up. I shouldn’t judge her like that– its so shallow. But she is sooo Southern– was she ever a beauty queen bc she sure seems like it. Oh dear, someone is sporting a llasa apso AND a side pony tail– DANGER! Oh, here’s a funny for you that I found– if you like to drink.

And now for some MTV.
Oh, double DANGER- that Olivia girl- the sosh- she wants to claw Whit’s eyes out. Do you watch The Hills oops I mean The City? You should- its just beyond compare. And if you like long, deep, meaninglessful stares– then pull up some couch bc YOU ARE IN FOR A TREAT!

Whitney is about to school that little boy from Australia– you don’t want to commit? ok- well I will spread my time around. Whitney will get to do the windows for the big show– w/the new collection. Olivia is asked to “help” Whitney– OUCH! Watch your back Whit. Who is this girl who is Whitney’s roommate? She seems like a sweetheart and reminds me of Whit– did they know eachother. OUCH– just last wk she was telling this dude from Canada that she loves him- now he’s talking about moving here and needing to crash– whoa hit the brakes dude. She was straight up w/him– ouch for him on TV (but nice for us). I can’t help but think the people on this show know good and gosh darn well- what being on this show means. I’m a little bit afraid that that might be motivating Jay…and his music career. I think he’s VERY aware of being on TV.

Who is this Samantha? Oh, Chris- a straight guy who works in fashion- hmm. Toodles? Olivia- is so annoying. She’s obviously VERY impressed w/herself. Chris just said- we should do lunch sometime– whit was like yeah, that was very bold. I wouldn’t have reacted that way– you work together and its just lunch. He was checking her out though.

Jay calls for Whit- Liv covers– all I know is…she’s out to lunch- nice. What is w/Whit’s bracelets– I’m assuming they’re IN bc she’s into fashion but… they look a bit tacky. Obviously I don’t know what’s in- bc evidently the llasa apso hair do is very stylish- yikes. Whit says she doesn’t feel chemistry w/Chris. Who is that other girl? She’s gorgeous. I guess whit is trying to grow her hair out– or LONG ROOTS are in style.

This girl likes you from a distance dude– how many ways does she need to say it? Go back to Canada- thanks for playing. Its funny how they label the locale as the Meat Packing District. Like, that’s soo cool. Olivia was telling her cousin in the last episode how she was giving Whit advice and telling her the cool places to live– which totally wasn’t true- at least from what we saw– Whit didn’t seem to give a sh!t about any advice Olivia was trying to lay down. I would have LOVED to hear where Olivia would have advised her to live. Jay is so funny asking about Whit’s lunch date– she handled that well. Back off band boy– I’m allowed to go to lunch w/a co-worker- EASE UP!

Whitney’s roommate- what is her name? Her hat looks like a smurf hat- I kind of like it (i love smurfs!). Man up! No doubt– “boys” are so frustrating. Oh, this is perfect– he’s seeking advice from his friend behind the bar. I think that guy owns that bar- btw– how did he swing that? Is he a sosh? Whoa- Jay just said, Whit’s a keeper– hold on for dear life. Yeah, maybe you should share some of that w/her you moron. Oh, I love Gramercy! I used to “live” there- for a bit while my sister lived there– very nice neighborhood- probably an older demographic. But I am somehow drawn to that– I always seem to want to live around old people. OK- I almost missed this convo– I think he just asked her to be his girlfriend- how sweet. What comes in 3’s??? They are both 24. OMG its over already. Wow- interesting head gear– I love wearing hats and such– I miss NYC. I was so distracted I missed the drama- Oh well- until next week.

oh, note to self (can’t find my journal) — get dangers hour– about kamikazis.

OMG did anyone see Ann Coulter on the view today? Elizabeth Hassselbitch actually looked embarrassed and uncomfortable- it was nice. Oh, how I despise her. I accidentally called her by her true name HasselBITCH in front of my dad over the holidays and was MORTIFIED! It is NOT cool to cuss in front of him. But it was funny bc he actually appreciated it– he agrees w/her politically- which bothers me to NO end– but also agrees that she is a HARPIE- who VERY rarely knows what she’s talking about– her nose is so FIRMLY up Sean hannity’s Azz– she disgusts oh, note to self (can’t find my journal) — get dangers hour– about kamikazis.

OMG whoever this is on Colbert– needs to take it down a notch– its going to take a bit to get what the dumbsh!t did undone!!!!

No idea what that’s about– I’m muti-tasking and NOT very good.

I just read something on dooce about an older sister so I want to see what that’s about. I recently told mine about this blog. YIKES! When I said I was anonymous I wasn’t kidding–NOBODY KNOWS. It now hurts me knowing she’s out there–is that weird? Pls, I KNOW its weird. WHATever. YOU’re weird!

 

The new Bachelor– I’m gonna need some Wine w/this CHEESE! Puhleez!

First, I’ll say that I’m trying to start fresh w/this guy– I barely remember him from the past season except that I remember being a bit cheesed out…I remember specifically- he was almost overly sincere — trying too hard– AND often bounced up and down. Uh, check pls! I think he seems like a perfectly lovely person but he’s just not my type. I was trying to explain to my mom why I don’t dig him but I just ended up sounding mean. She called to remind me to watch it– I was going to try to avoid it– it sucks up too much time. This show needs a better editor. I think tonight its going to be on for TWO HOURS! That’s just too much and then I’ll bet they’ll have more than one episode a week– if I recall correctly– grrr! I don’t like making that kind of commitment but somehow I find myself drawn to it. If I don’t watch it my parents will call and remind me it’s coming on- every single time- they won’t remember I said I wasn’t into it this season- my mom will want to dish about it and that part’s fun — she also forces my dad to watch it so I like to make him shoot the sh!t about it – good times……so I’ll watch– it’s beyond my control.

Ok- here are the 25 lovely girls competing for Jason– OMG the first girl was bouncing on the bed– soo perfect. Nerd alert– that’s right up his alley. The camera guy or someone really likes the golf girl- she got alot of time. The tooth nazi seems cute, the shoe girl seems annoying, the crunch girl reminds me of the character Lisa Edelstein played in Keeping the Faith– (which is an excellent movie btw)–I might want to sock her in those abs she’s working on, someone loves the girl from Canada too- was she the same as the restaurant girl? The restaurant girl seemed cool– ohh Canadian– that’s a strike. 😉 Oh, the lady w/2 kids– he will go gaga over that. The girl – the dud dater- walking in the park near the sewage plant seems funny. The cheerleader seems cool. Oh, dear– the beauty queen– sweety, you don’t have to do everything the producers ask you to- whoa sporting the twins. Oh the LA girl is going to be hilarious– she is such a CLICHE. I predict that she will stay around for awhile bc I bet you a DOLLAR that the producers are absolutely salivating over her. The wedding planner seems made for tv. Oh- the hunstville bama chick is going to be a huge hit w/Jason- she seems like just his type– a total sweetheart and I love the accent. Lauren may be attractive but she seems annoying. Oh, my goodness Naomi handles bitches– she will probably be around a while– megan is a potty mouth. I’m done– I have to watch now, they have me.

OMG- the cheering in the car is entirely too much (and I was a cheerleader). Eager Beaver- that’s my nick name for him. Even the way Eager walked up to the host- even his walk is (over) Eager– take it easy EB. Yikes- he’s talking about that moment when Deanna let him get on one knee– that was BRUTAL! His little boy is adorable– that would be hard to resist. I really hope they handle that w/sensitivity though– that must be rough- deciding how/when to introduce him– scary monster. When do you introduce your son to the numerous women sticking their tongue down your throat on national TV? Dear Abby.

My mom said he IS engaged now- that’s what the ABC press release says anyway- what a shocker huh? I can only imagine the couple– she must be cheesy too. I just have never dug it when guys write poetry. Not that I don’t appreciate and really dig the sentiment (in the moment)– its just usually awkward and brutal to read in front of them no matter how in love I’m feeling. Or maybe I’ve only dated bad poets? I actually do think I would dig it the most if it was set to a tune. How come there are NO songs written for Kim??— Its always bothered me–not only is is one of the most common names– its also easy to rhyme– so WTF? The only song I can think of was the one written by Eminem. Yeah, thanks a lot Marshall, but that’s not exactly what I had in mind.

Lauren– don’t ask a guy to guess your age- ew. She seems like a very practiced conversationalist but is she sincere? The Kansas one seems sincere. Melissa has a poof on her head like a llasa apso– but she admitted she was nervous- seemed sweet. Oh no the salsa dancer is ridiculous- Sharon– thanks for playing. Natalie- is super tan girl– maybe she should have sent her sisters and her mom- she seems really immature. Amazing Naomi- is overly confident. Megan- this is so weird- that’s funny you’re right it is weird– oh bringing up the son right away- he says don’t worry about it– uh ok– awkward much? Stacia from Utah- seems nervous but she’s trying to pretend she’s not. Jackie from Dallas- not digging the dress but she seems nice. Lisa- she is awkward- but I bet she’s really sweet- she reminds me of one of those girls who was really awkward in high school- but really came out as a late bloomer. The huntsville chick- I almost missed- I was typing but she seemed almost to be working for some sympathy. Missed the muti-lingual girl too- Stockton girl seems genuine. I think I missed a couple while typing. Nikki- seems nice- from some Island but she said Chicago. Whew – that’s all of them– I think I missed a few due to typing. OMG- he has to send 10 home tonight. Oops- there are 10 more coming- I was never any good at math. I think I have Carpal tunnel syndrome.

Molly seems nice- but oh she’s the golfer– wants to see his swing- ew. Erica- double kisser- how European–she came from Kirkland and caught a flying fish? What? Her dress was too tight. Oh, orange dress remembered that Ty said his favorite color was orange- work it. LA girl is a jewelry designer- she seemed boring. Jillian from BC- oh, dear- side pony tail girl– wants to know about his hot dog?? Is she herbally enhanced? This aint Vancouver sweetie. Oh my. Giggly Dominique– he seems to dig her– told her she was cute- ew she said she didn’t want to share him- too much. Oh, the seahawks fan is GD (geographically desirable)– but that seems to be about it. Jason seems really comfortable w/the teacher chick. Ann from Phoenix- seems a bit fake- not in personality- just smooth- like a flight attendant. OMG the girl w/the teeth– I thought I’d like her but now its over for her and me- that was too much– does she not remember the orange peel tooth girl?

Oh- this is going to be nice– who will they vote off?? That’s right producers–let’s get the cat fight started early. Social mutants on display. OMG they just showed a commercial for a “candid camera” style spoof of Stupid Americans– that should be a riot– its called -What would you do? I like this series- they had an interesting piece w/a hidden camera capturing some cultural prejudice in Texas- shocker huh?

Who will get the first impression rose? Oh- this is sooo awkward– he comes in to screaming and oohing and awwing- and he says- pls everyone pls be yourself. Naomi- toasts to Deanna- she’s aggressive. Shannon- annoying giggle. He asks if you’re cold bc your twins are totally on display!! Way to sport ’em. She says she’s not a stalker but when you have to say you’re not a stalker- that might make you a stalker. He looks worried. Run Jason. She is scary. Oh tight dress comes in to interrupt– he’s not that into her- bye sweetie. Dom- she reminds me of somebody. Oh she sells medical equipment- like toe implants– she’s weird- I might like her. Oh this girl resigned from her job as a high school spanish teacher– that does NOT speak highly of you- what were you thinking?- maybe he’ll feel guilty and keep her around but that was really unappealing to me. They are all talking about being single parents- you can tell they think that gives them “hand’ w/him. OH NO– someone wrote a poem– what grade are you in? Pls burn that- it hurts me knowing its out there. Oohh, the other girl that had to sit through that said she has a gift that she will give him later. Oh, side pony tail girl is going on about how what he puts on his hot dog– and what that says about him– I think she must have gotten some positive male reinforcement just from turning that phrase– guys want to talk about their weinie and what they like to put on it. She’s annoying.

Nikki and Jason seem to have a bond. Renee is a freak- I love the spooky bkgrd music–she’s priceless. Does she have an internal censor? Obviously no. The brazillian chick had the right idea- till Molly stepped in-thanks Molly- pushy much? How grown up- you’re living on your own. What? Nice- brazil came back. She reminds me of Ali from Love Story. He’s been dying to give someone his jacket– the 7th grade teacher gets it. OMG- don’t quiz him b!tch– I was told there’d be no math on this exam. Lauren is getting the first impression rose? Oh tease– she gets a piece of cake- ha! Melissa sweetie- does your hairdresser hate you? You look like a llasa apsa– I will look up how to spell that dog later– my point is- you look silly. You really need to rethink that hairdo.

I think the girls are going to vote off the threat–Jason’s needs won’t come into play. Ring on the pillow girl- that was an overshare-she’s toast. Play that parent card- potty mouth-oops you’re on a reality show. Hmm, apparently the parent card worked–oh, its Nikki for the first impression rose- you could tell they had a connection. Teeth freak says she deserves a rose –pls. Omg- they are telling who got the most votes– ouch. Megan- got the most and she’s out of here but she gets a rose? What? OMG she called them all A holes– classy. Now she’s crying- won’t her kids be proud to watch this when they’re older?

OMG- that’s so sad about Travolta’s son. My thoughts and prayers are w/that family.

Shannon the stalker didn’t freak him out. Raquel is sexy- she’ll stay- he likes the aggressiveness of Molly. I think the teacher who walked out on her kids should go. Weird– he says his future wife is in that room. Weirdness. This show seems to be about forcing connections- I think its worked out for ONE couple so far. He seems to really be willing to forge (force) those connections and he’s the marrying type– so hopefully he will find someone that is right. Marriage is a crap shoot anyway– its almost just about who’s ready to commit and take divorce off the table (as Will Smith would say)- you have to work at it and he sure seems like a hard worker. Maybe he really will find true love. Puke- who cares? Maybe I’m just all NOT caught up in the drama.

15 more minutes. I’m missing The City for this. I’ve not been in charge of the remote in many days-grr. Imagine you’re an alien and you see this show w/all these women competing for this man. I think you’d be thoroughly confused and this does not speak well for our civilization. We are voyeuristic freaks. How far away could we possibly be from Running Man. Yikes.

I can’t believe he gave roses to side pony tail girl and teeth freak. Oh well, that’s good TV I guess. Lisa too? I guess they have geek in common. LA girl– if looks could kill. He really likes to draw out the suspense. Oh- Erica? She’s totally wrong for him. I hope no one cries. Oh, Stacia seemed nice. Oh SNAP- Renee better run home and fix her vision board– but not to worry– maybe this is just the middle. Wow, she’s special! I will miss her. Hold it together Jackie- desperate much? That is a camera you’re talking to– it’s recording you and what you say. That was ill advised. Yuck- the kiss fest skeeves me out. I could NEVER tolerate that, I don’t care how cute his son is. OMG was that slap real??

Deanna shows up– WTF? That makes me feel really manipulated by the producers-grr. WHAT is she thinking? OMG that scene of him bawling is just too much! Was that right after he had to send Deanna packing? I bet it was– his ego made him do it but he wants to pls soo badly- he has to show his “public” how much it hurt and how deeply he feels. Ugh. THAT is what I mean about cheesy. Its hard to go over the top w/cheese but he does it– he is over the top. I really hope they don’t make me watch this more than once a week. That’s it for the live blog– I will miss those brain cells.

 

Casey Anthony on 20/20 tonight – getting paid big $$$??? Yuck!

ABC news 20/20 is doing a story on Caylee Anthony tonight and interviewing the family including Casey.  ABC has said that it is their policy not to pay for interviews but I think they are getting around that by paying to “license” the use of family photos and video.  Expert crime writer, David Lohr, for Investigation Discovery Channel is reporting here:

http://blogs.discovery.com/criminal_report/2008/09/caylee-anthony.html

that the Anthony family has been paid $1 million from ABC and offered more from a production company in Nashville.

I’ve written the publicist for 20/20, Alyssa Apple, to ask if this is true (no reply so far) and if so, is ABC making sure the money will be used ONLY for search efforts and not in the defense of the prime suspect?  At the very least ABC should make a matching donation to texasequusearch.org <– those people have spent over $30,000 searching for Caylee.  I know there are lots of people prepared to start a tremendous campaign against ABC, Disney and their advertisers.  Some websites are getting thousands of visits a day- all people who are desperately sad about Caylee and eager to join in boycott or protests.  I know that it will be an incredible ratings coup- I hope some of that money will go to a good cause. 

If not, that certainly seems like blood money.  Why pay money to the prime suspect in the child’s disappearance when she has deliberately mislead police, continually lied and done nothing to help find her daughter?  I also wrote in w/some questions regarding Zanny(Xanax) the nanny theory.  I’ll be interested to see if they ask questions about Casey’s possible drug use or the possibility of drugging the child. You can write in questions to the show here: 

Contribute@abcnews.go.com

Would love to hear feedback- what do you think about ABC paying money to the Anthony’s for this story?  Will you watch?  Will you write to let them know how you feel?

 

Apropos of Nothing- Project Runway next wk is Drag Queens!

If you don’t have a healthy appreciation for social mutants on display or Reality TV then don’t read another word!!@#$  but it was just Like a gift from baby Jesus!  I walked in just now and haven’t seen a stitch of TV all week- I walk in-walk the dog (wake the neighbor?)- walk back – Tube on and what do I get… the coming up next wk on Project Runway- they are going to be styling Drag Queens for a runway show!  I’m sorry but if you’ve never hung out w/a bunch of drag queens- its something you should put on your bucket list and get to it- STAT.  

I have been going to a conference in Orlando all week (70 min commute) pretty much brain ON from 6AM – 11PM- I’m ready to drop!  Aging in front of my eyes.  Anyway, I haven’t been able to see or hear anything about Caylee so I’m going to take that as a good sign and try to spend some mindless time w/my friends in Reality World.  I’m watching Kathy Griffin and she’s going to be giving a lecture at a business school- for a fan ( a gay) professor- Yeah- that sounds like an excellent mix of people.  I like Kathy- you know, not all day everyday Kathy but she seems like a nice person- super honest-many laughs.  I enjoy people who either don’t have that filter or ignore it.  I sometimes like to watch from afar but its almost always fun to watch.  

Nice w/the cock fight and Michael Vick- ASS HOLO MIO- she’s funny, I like the professor he’s a wanna be talk show host- so cute.  I heard recently that Jessica and KG had parted ways and NOT on friendly terms.  I was surprised but watching this -I think maybe just slightly Jessica may have been getting a bit too big for her britches- she seemed to want to ig KG when she was telling about spkg invite (rude w/a magazine).  Its probably hard to tell where to draw the line w/stuff like that w/KG- who knows what happened.  I will miss Jess but maybe KG will hire Jeff Lewis- oooh-I heard that he said he wants to redo her house.  He NEEDS to do that!  I would love to see what he would do w/that house but even more than that- I would love to see Jeff and co w/KG and crew.  People should write to WoW (World of Wonder) and ask for that show.  I’m going to add the link if I can muster the brain power to figure out how to do it.

Oh sad, sounds like KG is about to dump her billionaire bear!  He was a hoot.  I’m going to get someone a Box O’ Wine as a gift.  KG is always talking about it and Target has a really cute one.  Someone is going to get a present and I’m going to partake of the BOW- the idea has really grown on me.

Ooooh so has segway polo- that looks like fun- not good for mother earth perhaps but fun.  Brick shirt is cute- I would love to hang out w/that crowd.  That’s another group of people that has an underdeveloped filter- nerd herd.  This conference I’m at is actually chock full of them but their techi-ness is all blatant and showing so I haven’t even seen many quite as cute as brick shirt even ;)- alas.  It is quite sad actually bc I’ve almost decided AS A RULE that the next guy I date seriously is going to have to be a pretty proficient mac guy.  I really miss having a an IT dept – gimme some Nick Burns – Your Company’s Computer guy- wth- why can’t I find that on youtube- those are some greedy bastiches at nbc- just give us the clips.  Awkwardness w/Woz’s xwife- he must still love her.

Ha- she just yelled at the richies to cough up some dough- nice.  Somebody’s getting a letter (KG)!  I will have to put that on my to do list- try to get KG to come down here and yell at our richies- STAT!  So that’s it for me- must get sleep.  Here’s hoping that progress is being made and all little girls lost are coming home!

 

OMG so I haven’t gone away or changed the channel and the hair dressing contest show on bravo is on and the cutest little girl said paris hilton is her role model- OMG.  I don’t have words.

 

The Bachelorette is neverending and updates…ok but that is IT!

This show will not go away- but I cannot NOT watch! Evidently this is the only thing I find time to write about- it is my appt TV- and that is just pathetic. Hopefully its really over this time and they can just give us just a little break-its too much of a good/weird thing… but I’m hooked so…

Here we go-this little speedy version of their romance is nice- awwww- maybe these two will really last- they are just the epitome of CUTE – and bonus, they seem like really nice people. Oh its a whole recap session- some of those I didn’t watch or at least barely watched. My parents, for some reason, watch this show and always call to tell me its on. Sometimes its up against The Hills and it loses that face off- I just flip over there on commercials. But I did watch this one pretty regularly. Nice to see Jimmy Kimmel getting some advertising love- he’s a funny little mother. But I cannot abandon Letterman- he’s still the man- so cute when he talks about Harry- still loving him.

Oh Matt and Shayne- this one did not get much attention- he seemed so cute but my mom thought he was a douchebag- so I quit tuning in much- even though he’s hot and I dig the accent of course.  LOVE the dramatic pause w/the hi maintenance question- love that she admitted it too. She IS one sandwich short of a picnic- a bit annoying- she’s so young and VERY impressed w/herself– that’s gonna get old fast. Hmm- maybe they actually like each other- I got the vibe, actually from both of them that they REALLY love the cameras though. I do actually realize that I say actually a bit too much- let’s just say its one of my favorite words. I think they are all caught up in the drama and they really want to be famous. That is immediately suspect to me- people who want to be famous are special. The rude checkout person, people who drive slow in the fastlane, people who don’t use their turn signals, people who vote republican- these are all special people.

Omg love that bulldog. Firestone…a lot coming up

Aaron has his arms in things?- ha terrorist fist jab w/receptionist- way to plug, plugger. This will be good for business I’m sure. People who own restaurants are an interesting bunch- I’m not saying good or bad bc I’ve known both but without fail- interesting people. He seems like he wants on some Gwen or Brooke- that was a shout out- or booty call.

OMG this Bob dude is so annoying- I can’t stand him- pls give me a break -Matt Leinart? Looks like Will Ferrel -that’s more like it. I watched some of the Firestone- he seemed genuine but I just don’t find him attractive- he’s good on paper. That’s good that he’s happy though- he seems nice, his money is very attractive omg so is his dog- aw they’re so cute- I’m gonna puke. Ok up next the bachelorettes.

Omg the gold digger- crazy much? Her guy looks normal- hmm maybe she grew out of her crazy, that tiara girl is just annoying- go away.

Brooke and her husband look perfect for each other- good for her- they are like Southern Barbie and Ken. I don’t know this girl- oh dear- she’s so sad w/the crying- Heather- oh good that’s nice 20 yrs later to hook up w/hi school bfriend. Hmm – maybe I should look up some of the dorks I dated in hi school. Oh, this girl- I watched this season- she looks better but I remember this update- she seems so desperate and lonely- like she’s trying really hard to convince herself that she’s happy- note to self- don’t talk about my dog like that. Omg the orange teeth girl- eww- prop comic! She’s annoying- enough w/her- no one cares if you’re taken.

Trista annoys me the way Kelly did on 90210- you like her but she just seems so perfect that its like fingernails on a chalkboard. Trista and Ryan seem nice but I’m exhausted w/them- donezo. Did not watch that wedding- they dragged that shit out for waaay too long. Cute baby. Hmm that’s sexy the architect designing the “green” house. I like this commercial w/the creepy Shining twins- wonder why they didn’t do girls though- worried about a lawsuit? A KY jelly commercial-I’m glad I don’t have to explain that to any kids- how would you do that I wonder? Swing Vote looks interesting- can’t tell what its about.

Big shoes to fill?- I think they should look to their parents for relationship advice not Trista and Ryan. This is so hokey- how do you handle it- all the non normal life stuff? I’m bored. Rocky Mtn people rock- that’s funny! Don’t ruin that by meeting people and being mean? Wow, that’s some really good advice. I’m not sure he’s the sharpest tool in the shed but I kinda like that- you know I like ’em young, dumb and full of…

Jesse seems weirded out about the babies- you better look out brother bc THEY ARE COMING- I can hear her clock ticking from here. Damn, gotta get me one of them toddlers he’s adorable!

OMG I love it- Brad watching so intently while sandwiching then switching to football- that was sexy! Watching Dave on Oprah- the bicycle in the driveway story was so cute- he’s making my clock tick. Switching between Jon and Kate- but I’m just gonna have to catch that again- its TLC so they will air it soon. I need to get myself one of those magic boxes that tape shows and recommend shit. Back to Letterman –He is so sexy- I don’t care how old he is- eww but I don’t care for how he speaks about Regina- I wouldn’t tolerate that- he said- here’s a pic of the whole family that’s his mother Regina _____- didn’t catch it but didn’t like it that he used her last name and referred to her that way- ouch. Harry is adorable! Damn toddlers- they’re everywhere!

 

Who Will She Pick?- the bachelorette-donezo yea! – I think Jesse!II

Its so nice to be right!  Watching the previews- I’m still thinking Jesse- he’s really laying it on thick- water works and everything. She speaks about how their relationship had the most natural progression, I think she needed that and I think she loves his family and how (possibly) portable he is- when he’s through ‘shredding’- he can be a “sports agent or something like that” from a new location. Whereas Jason has really thrown down some hardcore roots w/ family and an ex-wife…he’s not moving to Georgia = I think that equals deal breaker.

Newnan: How cute -she has a schnauzer almost as cute as mine. Earnest, I mean-Jason, finally mentions what happened w/the marriage- the wife left- the fam seems worried about her moving- yep- that’s definitely trouble -GUD. Jason asked for permission- good call- southern girl. I don’t sense any warmth or real getting to know you vibe w/Jason and the fam- he’s just so eager that in trying to be convincing I’m missing something organic. She seems to be pulling away from him- he’s donezo. She’s going to say- she loves him but its too complicated bc of Ty and location.

Jesse- wow just the way she looks at him- I think she’s desperate for them to like him. Girls like that- finding a hidden treasure- someone that your peeps think might not be your type and then they come around to what you’ve discovered. WTF- the sister doesn’t feel like she knows Jesse yet- seriously are you sure? I think this must be the shows way of throwing us off- I’ll be shocked if she doesn’t pick Jesse. What is pops trying to do? Yikes that might hurt him that Jesse didn’t ask for permission.

OMG Jeremy coming back- pls spare me- I can’t even believe they were able to talk him into that- how embarrassing. So, good Jesse has another chance to ask the pops- he’s so nervous- its cute- he’s grown on me. This is awkward and ridiculous- why are they both here. Yaya just picked Jason- she’s out of touch- what does she know? Jesse just got some major points w/that little speech to pops- I got something in my eye. I like how he waited till the second day- so her dad could have some basis in knowledge when asked for his daughter’s hand. That’s funny the dad w/the haircut- I could hear my dad.

So, I’m still thinking Jesse, and before I was just thinking that was who she’d choose and now I’m thinking he’s the right one. I don’t think ABC can manipulate me to change my opinion.- its 8:46. The sister looks nothing like her and I like the sister-in-law’s advice- duh. That’s a scary thought- which one do you want to father your children? This show is just completely inappropriate- its weirding me out now/again. I can’t imagine how you could be ready to make such a momentous decision and you’re undecided up till then… crazy much? I hope the next installment of this show can be avoided bc this is just unhealthy.

Why is Jeremy coming back- I’m thinking he wants to be all mr. look how great I am- I need more camera time and wouldn’t I make a great next bachelor. Oh dear don’t tell a girl she’s making a mistake- oh and don’t play the dead mom card- oh not the I’m not worthy card either- I hope he is the next bachelor bc I won’t watch- I will be free. Call ABC. She handled that well- thanks for coming and thanks for going what a nice ego boost for her. OMG did he really just break down and take it to kneel/squat- don’t forget about your balls dude- they can’t be comfortable in that position -crying/kneeling/posing on tv like that– you should check for them bc clearly you’ve misplaced them.

Jesse needs a wife/girlfriend to pick out he’s clothes bc DAMN. I probably would’ve let him go that first night based on that ridiculous outfit alone. Wow, I forgot how pretty the Bahamas are- perhaps a bit prettier (in places) than my West Coast FL beach. OH I hope he doesn’t cheese me out w/this book of thoughts- danger. Wow, it didn’t and that’s surprising- he’s really hangin’em out there.

Jason: NOT feelin’ him -“if they’re tame sharks I’m ok”- you’re lame dork, OK! I’m just not digging him. Ha- she said pop off. The producers must have given them pictures- oh- no I think Martha stewart’s less cool cousin got a hold of him. I’m sorry, I’m sure this is very sweet, I’m absolutely sure- it just isn’t for me- yikes did I mention that? Though I suppose that it all depends on where you’re sitting- she sure seems to be diggin it. Hmm-she opens her eyes alot when kissing- just saying- oh baby got back! Those pants really accentuate… I like how comfortable she is w/her body- she looks great- I hope freaks aren’t out there judging her.

Hmm- from what she’s saying I think she might be picking Jason- no, I hate this show. That’s gotta be the editing- I’m not backin down. He’s even becoming more attractive. Nice ring. Does she really have to do her own hair?- cheap much? Oh dear… keep it together Jesse. She looks great but those earrings don’t quite match- they are going to drag this on for 25 more minutes- grrr. I don’t wanna see a whole lot of Jason crying or upset- he seems so nice. I’m not in the mood for tears period and you know they’re coming. I just went to my site and there’s an ad on it- how the hell did that happen? I’ve really got to do some research on this blog thing. Are they giving me some money for that?- how rude!

OK there’s Jason- unless they’ve changed protocol I was right. Ouch for him- but she’s so kind- she will handle it well. Oh the awkwardness is unbearable- thank you- she should have spoken up a few seconds earlier though- that was brutal! What did he say, I know you said that, what did he say after that? I heard that line or heard you the first time- dammit- I’m going to have to go see – I need a tivo- see? No- I’m over it now who cares- I feel terrible for him- what a nice guy- he will find someone soon I predict- there will be lots of people thinking about him sending good thoughts- good things are coming your way J! He should stop talking- geez I could never be one of the camera people on this show. Not a fan of the word soulmate- pls don’t cheese it up. Aw- they’re so cute- the epitome of cute!

OK- I’m done I’m at the sister’s house and she’s not fan- she just got home. Will be interested to see if they do the talk show thing- I have a very low tolerance but I’m curious for the moment.  Oh- so sweet- this is their song- sister is making fun of me- must go.  Oh good another reunion- I wonder if it will be 2 hours- stop messing with us ABC.  

OMG  I can’t believe they’re doing this- 3 HOURS in one night is too much- my sister is going to let me watch but ridicule me the entire time- must go suffer the onslaught head on!