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If you need a slightly disturbing LAUGH…

And let’s face it- who doesn’t? You MUST go check out DOOCE today. She has channeled some trailer trash and was kind enough to share the hilarity w/the internet. She or her offspring may suffer a momentary slip into embarrassment later but it’s okay bc her unborn child is really the culprit and she can blog about it later. We and the internets are all the better for it. Sugar does something to brain cells– obviously in a really wonderful way!

Also found this fabulous site from her comment section (and NO I don’t have a pregnant woman fetish)! I just happened to stumble upon some 2 super duper ones today.

If you haven’t discovered Dooce- you’re welcome! The woman is brilliant – so honest and hilarious. If I didn’t love and respect her WAY too much I would say that she should have her own reality show. As much as I would love to see that- and for SURE it would be wicked awesome- I wouldn’t want to see her marriage go the way of EVERY SINGLE COUPLE that has EVER let cameras follow around their intimate lives for extended periods of time. It’s clearly relationship poison.

Have you been watching Jon and Kate Plus 8? It is sooo sad what has happened to them! I’ve enjoyed the show for awhile (due to previously mentioned reality show addiction)- their kids are just adorable and my clock is TICKING- but now I think they should cut the season short and take some private time. It is literally PAINFUL to watch.

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Posted by on May 26, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

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The new Bachelor– I’m gonna need some Wine w/this CHEESE! Puhleez!

First, I’ll say that I’m trying to start fresh w/this guy– I barely remember him from the past season except that I remember being a bit cheesed out…I remember specifically- he was almost overly sincere — trying too hard– AND often bounced up and down. Uh, check pls! I think he seems like a perfectly lovely person but he’s just not my type. I was trying to explain to my mom why I don’t dig him but I just ended up sounding mean. She called to remind me to watch it– I was going to try to avoid it– it sucks up too much time. This show needs a better editor. I think tonight its going to be on for TWO HOURS! That’s just too much and then I’ll bet they’ll have more than one episode a week– if I recall correctly– grrr! I don’t like making that kind of commitment but somehow I find myself drawn to it. If I don’t watch it my parents will call and remind me it’s coming on- every single time- they won’t remember I said I wasn’t into it this season- my mom will want to dish about it and that part’s fun — she also forces my dad to watch it so I like to make him shoot the sh!t about it – good times……so I’ll watch– it’s beyond my control.

Ok- here are the 25 lovely girls competing for Jason– OMG the first girl was bouncing on the bed– soo perfect. Nerd alert– that’s right up his alley. The camera guy or someone really likes the golf girl- she got alot of time. The tooth nazi seems cute, the shoe girl seems annoying, the crunch girl reminds me of the character Lisa Edelstein played in Keeping the Faith– (which is an excellent movie btw)–I might want to sock her in those abs she’s working on, someone loves the girl from Canada too- was she the same as the restaurant girl? The restaurant girl seemed cool– ohh Canadian– that’s a strike. ūüėČ Oh, the lady w/2 kids– he will go gaga over that. The girl – the dud dater- walking in the park near the sewage plant seems funny. The cheerleader seems cool. Oh, dear– the beauty queen– sweety, you don’t have to do everything the producers ask you to- whoa sporting the twins. Oh the LA girl is going to be hilarious– she is such a CLICHE. I predict that she will stay around for awhile bc I bet you a DOLLAR that the producers are absolutely salivating over her. The wedding planner seems made for tv. Oh- the hunstville bama chick is going to be a huge hit w/Jason- she seems like just his type– a total sweetheart and I love the accent. Lauren may be attractive but she seems annoying. Oh, my goodness Naomi handles bitches– she will probably be around a while– megan is a potty mouth. I’m done– I have to watch now, they have me.

OMG- the cheering in the car is entirely too much (and I was a cheerleader). Eager Beaver- that’s my nick name for him. Even the way Eager walked up to the host- even his walk is (over) Eager– take it easy EB. Yikes- he’s talking about that moment when Deanna let him get on one knee– that was BRUTAL! His little boy is adorable– that would be hard to resist. I really hope they handle that w/sensitivity though– that must be rough- deciding how/when to introduce him– scary monster. When do you introduce your son to the numerous women sticking their tongue down your throat on national TV? Dear Abby.

My mom said he IS engaged now- that’s what the ABC press release says anyway- what a shocker huh? I can only imagine the couple– she must be cheesy too. I just have never dug it when guys write poetry. Not that I don’t appreciate and really dig the sentiment (in the moment)– its just usually awkward and brutal to read in front of them no matter how in love I’m feeling. Or maybe I’ve only dated bad poets? I actually do think I would dig it the most if it was set to a tune. How come there are NO songs written for Kim??— Its always bothered me–not only is is one of the most common names– its also easy to rhyme– so WTF? The only song I can think of was the one written by Eminem. Yeah, thanks a lot Marshall, but that’s not exactly what I had in mind.

Lauren– don’t ask a guy to guess your age- ew. She seems like a very practiced conversationalist but is she sincere? The Kansas one seems sincere. Melissa has a poof on her head like a llasa apso– but she admitted she was nervous- seemed sweet. Oh no the salsa dancer is ridiculous- Sharon– thanks for playing. Natalie- is super tan girl– maybe she should have sent her sisters and her mom- she seems really immature. Amazing Naomi- is overly confident. Megan- this is so weird- that’s funny you’re right it is weird– oh bringing up the son right away- he says don’t worry about it– uh ok– awkward much? Stacia from Utah- seems nervous but she’s trying to pretend she’s not. Jackie from Dallas- not digging the dress but she seems nice. Lisa- she is awkward- but I bet she’s really sweet- she reminds me of one of those girls who was really awkward in high school- but really came out as a late bloomer. The huntsville chick- I almost missed- I was typing but she seemed almost to be working for some sympathy. Missed the muti-lingual girl too- Stockton girl seems genuine. I think I missed a couple while typing. Nikki- seems nice- from some Island but she said Chicago. Whew – that’s all of them– I think I missed a few due to typing. OMG- he has to send 10 home tonight. Oops- there are 10 more coming- I was never any good at math. I think I have Carpal tunnel syndrome.

Molly seems nice- but oh she’s the golfer– wants to see his swing- ew. Erica- double kisser- how European–she came from Kirkland and caught a flying fish? What? Her dress was too tight. Oh, orange dress remembered that Ty said his favorite color was orange- work it. LA girl is a jewelry designer- she seemed boring. Jillian from BC- oh, dear- side pony tail girl– wants to know about his hot dog?? Is she herbally enhanced? This aint Vancouver sweetie. Oh my. Giggly Dominique– he seems to dig her– told her she was cute- ew she said she didn’t want to share him- too much. Oh, the seahawks fan is GD (geographically desirable)– but that seems to be about it. Jason seems really comfortable w/the teacher chick. Ann from Phoenix- seems a bit fake- not in personality- just smooth- like a flight attendant. OMG the girl w/the teeth– I thought I’d like her but now its over for her and me- that was too much– does she not remember the orange peel tooth girl?

Oh- this is going to be nice– who will they vote off?? That’s right producers–let’s get the cat fight started early. Social mutants on display. OMG they just showed a commercial for a “candid camera” style spoof of Stupid Americans– that should be a riot– its called -What would you do? I like this series- they had an interesting piece w/a hidden camera capturing some cultural prejudice in Texas- shocker huh?

Who will get the first impression rose? Oh- this is sooo awkward– he comes in to screaming and oohing and awwing- and he says- pls everyone pls be yourself. Naomi- toasts to Deanna- she’s aggressive. Shannon- annoying giggle. He asks if you’re cold bc your twins are totally on display!! Way to sport ’em. She says she’s not a stalker but when you have to say you’re not a stalker- that might make you a stalker. He looks worried. Run Jason. She is scary. Oh tight dress comes in to interrupt– he’s not that into her- bye sweetie. Dom- she reminds me of somebody. Oh she sells medical equipment- like toe implants– she’s weird- I might like her. Oh this girl resigned from her job as a high school spanish teacher– that does NOT speak highly of you- what were you thinking?- maybe he’ll feel guilty and keep her around but that was really unappealing to me. They are all talking about being single parents- you can tell they think that gives them “hand’ w/him. OH NO– someone wrote a poem– what grade are you in? Pls burn that- it hurts me knowing its out there. Oohh, the other girl that had to sit through that said she has a gift that she will give him later. Oh, side pony tail girl is going on about how what he puts on his hot dog– and what that says about him– I think she must have gotten some positive male reinforcement just from turning that phrase– guys want to talk about their weinie and what they like to put on it. She’s annoying.

Nikki and Jason seem to have a bond. Renee is a freak- I love the spooky bkgrd music–she’s priceless. Does she have an internal censor? Obviously no. The brazillian chick had the right idea- till Molly stepped in-thanks Molly- pushy much? How grown up- you’re living on your own. What? Nice- brazil came back. She reminds me of Ali from Love Story. He’s been dying to give someone his jacket– the 7th grade teacher gets it. OMG- don’t quiz him b!tch– I was told there’d be no math on this exam. Lauren is getting the first impression rose? Oh tease– she gets a piece of cake- ha! Melissa sweetie- does your hairdresser hate you? You look like a llasa apsa– I will look up how to spell that dog later– my point is- you look silly. You really need to rethink that hairdo.

I think the girls are going to vote off the threat–Jason’s needs won’t come into play. Ring on the pillow girl- that was an overshare-she’s toast. Play that parent card- potty mouth-oops you’re on a reality show. Hmm, apparently the parent card worked–oh, its Nikki for the first impression rose- you could tell they had a connection. Teeth freak says she deserves a rose –pls. Omg- they are telling who got the most votes– ouch. Megan- got the most and she’s out of here but she gets a rose? What? OMG she called them all A holes– classy. Now she’s crying- won’t her kids be proud to watch this when they’re older?

OMG- that’s so sad about Travolta’s son. My thoughts and prayers are w/that family.

Shannon the stalker didn’t freak him out. Raquel is sexy- she’ll stay- he likes the aggressiveness of Molly. I think the teacher who walked out on her kids should go. Weird– he says his future wife is in that room. Weirdness. This show seems to be about forcing connections- I think its worked out for ONE couple so far. He seems to really be willing to forge (force) those connections and he’s the marrying type– so hopefully he will find someone that is right. Marriage is a crap shoot anyway– its almost just about who’s ready to commit and take divorce off the table (as Will Smith would say)- you have to work at it and he sure seems like a hard worker. Maybe he really will find true love. Puke- who cares? Maybe I’m just all NOT caught up in the drama.

15 more minutes. I’m missing The City for this. I’ve not been in charge of the remote in many days-grr. Imagine you’re an alien and you see this show w/all these women competing for this man. I think you’d be thoroughly confused and this does not speak well for our civilization. We are voyeuristic freaks. How far away could we possibly be from Running Man. Yikes.

I can’t believe he gave roses to side pony tail girl and teeth freak. Oh well, that’s good TV I guess. Lisa too? I guess they have geek in common. LA girl– if looks could kill. He really likes to draw out the suspense. Oh- Erica? She’s totally wrong for him. I hope no one cries. Oh, Stacia seemed nice. Oh SNAP- Renee better run home and fix her vision board– but not to worry– maybe this is just the middle. Wow, she’s special! I will miss her. Hold it together Jackie- desperate much? That is a camera you’re talking to– it’s recording you and what you say. That was ill advised. Yuck- the kiss fest skeeves me out. I could NEVER tolerate that, I don’t care how cute his son is. OMG was that slap real??

Deanna shows up– WTF? That makes me feel really manipulated by the producers-grr. WHAT is she thinking? OMG that scene of him bawling is just too much! Was that right after he had to send Deanna packing? I bet it was– his ego made him do it but he wants to pls soo badly- he has to show his “public” how much it hurt and how deeply he feels. Ugh. THAT is what I mean about cheesy. Its hard to go over the top w/cheese but he does it– he is over the top. I really hope they don’t make me watch this more than once a week. That’s it for the live blog– I will miss those brain cells.

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2009 in DAMN, Reality TV, Uncategorized

 

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Apropos of Nothing- Project Runway next wk is Drag Queens!

If you don’t have a healthy appreciation for social mutants on display or Reality TV then don’t read another word!!@#$ ¬†but it was just Like a gift from baby Jesus! ¬†I walked in just now and haven’t seen a stitch of TV all week- I walk in-walk the dog (wake the neighbor?)- walk back – Tube on and what do I get… the coming up next wk on Project Runway- they are going to be styling Drag Queens for a runway show! ¬†I’m sorry but if you’ve never hung out w/a bunch of drag queens- its something you should put on your bucket list and get to it- STAT. ¬†

I have been going to a conference in Orlando all week (70 min commute) pretty much brain ON from 6AM – 11PM- I’m ready to drop! ¬†Aging in front of my eyes. ¬†Anyway, I haven’t been able to see or hear anything about Caylee so I’m going to take that as a good sign and try to spend some mindless time w/my friends in Reality World. ¬†I’m watching Kathy Griffin and she’s going to be giving a lecture at a business school- for a fan ( a gay) professor- Yeah- that sounds like an excellent mix of people. ¬†I like Kathy- you know, not all day everyday Kathy but she seems like a nice person- super honest-many laughs. ¬†I enjoy people who either don’t have that filter or ignore it. ¬†I sometimes like to watch from afar but its almost always fun to watch. ¬†

Nice w/the cock fight and Michael Vick- ASS HOLO MIO- she’s funny, I like the professor he’s a wanna be talk show host- so cute. ¬†I heard recently that Jessica and KG had parted ways and NOT on friendly terms. ¬†I was surprised but watching this -I think maybe just slightly¬†Jessica may have been getting a bit too big for her britches- she seemed to want to ig KG when she was telling about spkg invite (rude w/a magazine). ¬†Its probably hard to tell where to draw the line w/stuff like that w/KG- who knows what happened. ¬†I will miss Jess but maybe KG will hire Jeff Lewis- oooh-I heard that he said he wants to redo her house. ¬†He NEEDS to do that! ¬†I would love to see what he would do w/that house but even more than that- I would love to see Jeff and co w/KG and crew. ¬†People should write to WoW (World of Wonder) and ask for that show. ¬†I’m going to add the link if I can muster the brain power to figure out how to do it.

Oh sad, sounds like KG is about to dump her billionaire bear! ¬†He was a hoot. ¬†I’m going to get someone a Box O’ Wine as a gift. ¬†KG is always talking about it and Target has a really cute one. ¬†Someone is going to get a present and I’m going to partake of the BOW- the idea has really grown on me.

Ooooh so has segway polo- that looks like fun- not good for mother earth perhaps but fun. ¬†Brick shirt is cute- I would love to hang out w/that crowd. ¬†That’s another group of people that has an underdeveloped filter- nerd herd. ¬†This conference I’m at is actually chock full of them but their techi-ness is all blatant and showing so I haven’t even seen many quite as cute as brick shirt even ;)- alas. ¬†It is quite sad actually bc I’ve almost decided AS A RULE that the next guy I date seriously is going to have to be a pretty proficient mac guy. ¬†I really miss having a an IT dept – gimme some Nick Burns – Your Company’s Computer guy- wth- why can’t I find that on youtube- those are some greedy bastiches at nbc- just give us the clips. ¬†Awkwardness w/Woz’s xwife- he must still love her.

Ha- she just yelled at the richies to cough up some dough- nice. ¬†Somebody’s getting a letter (KG)! ¬†I will have to put that on my to do list- try to get KG to come down here and yell at our richies- STAT! ¬†So that’s it for me- must get sleep. ¬†Here’s hoping that progress is being made and all little girls lost are coming home!

 

OMG so I haven’t gone away or changed the channel and the hair dressing contest show on bravo is on and the cutest little girl said paris hilton is her role model- OMG. ¬†I don’t have words.

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2008 in Reality TV

 

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Watching The Bachelorette – I wish I could quit you!

Wow- she is really annoying me – mostly I guess bc I can’t predict what she does- we just have vastly different tastes.¬† She just sent Jeremy home- wtf? Oh dear, Jeremy appears to be all caught up in the drama- he just asked the limo to pull over, I thank god he didn’t puke but he did walk over all dramatically and lean against a tree- puhleese.¬† I thought he was going to pull the crazy train around and go back and challenge somebody.

Once again they make me sit for 2 hours- which I don’t appreciate.¬† This reunion however, is nice- I get to see my high school football coach, Brian again- yum yum gimme some.¬† Whoa- I am usually doing 3 different things when I’m watching and I almost completely missed how much people hated Jeremy- I guess I wasn’t paying attention- I just thought they were jealous.¬† I see a little bit now what they mean from the clips how he was just a DeAnna seeking machine- here to win.

Both of her choices now though, seem like her way of being able to say- lets not talk about marriage just yet- which is weird bc that’s almost like Brad.¬† Not that I think she’ll adios them both.¬† I just think that w/Jason she’ll be able to say- lets take it slow bc of Ty and w/Jesse- I don’t know he just seems so immature- though he did say he was ready to get married.¬† Plus both of these two are GUD (geographically undesirable).

OK here’s Graham- wow- w/the screaming- he’s nice looking but not all that AND the chips.¬† Personally I think he needs a little more time in the oven- almost like Ben Affleck a few years ago- I think he will look better when he’s older- and he has some maturing to do.¬† His having never had a serious relationship was a serious red flag- and I’m still bitter about the note we didn’t get to see.

I don’t know who is picking this girl’s clothes- but I’m not digging the orange puff ball dress- happy halloween!¬† Ouch, I forgot about her little meltdown at the picnic- there was a better way to handle that- that was a bit like a 2 year old tantrum- GIVE ME ATTN NOW!¬† OCD- obsessive compulsive deanna that’s excellent- I think self-righteous-D got a little angry there.

She just said she’s engaged!¬† I have no idea who she’ll pick- I’m leaning toward Jesse.¬† Clips from the finale- hmm.¬† Jason just pronounced her name wrong- ouch.¬† But then when they were both down on one knee- I was feeling Jason.¬† I think the kid factors in bc she wants them so much- but does she want to deal w/an exwife?¬† Also, (maybe they discussed in private but) I would be curious to know what happened- why did the marriage end?¬† Kindof important. But then Jesse- what does he want to do w/his life when he’s through shredding?¬† I don’t know maybe be a sports agent he says- hmm that sounds a bit like George Costanza.¬† But no, I’m going to stick w/Jesse bc maybe she’s thinking she can mold him, relocate him and raise him up a bit- women seem to like that.

 
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Posted by on July 1, 2008 in Reality TV

 

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