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Is that Chemistry I Taste or Just Your Tonsils? Watching The Bachelor 1/26.

I came in about 20 minutes late but it doesn’t look like I missed anything…except girlfriend coming home from her date doing the AM walk of shame in HIS CLOTHES. You know something is seriously wrong w/your dating situation when you have to say about another girl…I don’t like that she smells like him and is wearing his pants. Saucer of milk– Table 2! Ugh the set of General Hospital– who cares– the crazy girl volunteers to kiss him– she is working my last nerve. OMG– they are actually going to act and ICK he’s going to suck face w/even more of them. OMG this is sooo unbelievably BAD. Pls tell me they aren’t going to air this on that soap? Desperate much? Does that girl have a wig on? BAD WIG and that fur coat is fugly– WTF? She must have really pissed off the stylist- she looks ridiculous and Melissa needs to tame her Sarah Palin Poof– its trying to eat her head.

Nikki and Bama are having a pity party by the pool–we’re such good girls, who loved really deeply and lost really tragically. Ugh, I don’t know who I see him with? It really bothers me that I care. I’m actually wondering…WHERE’S DEANNA? Can you say b!tch on daytime TV? Meagan is straight up MUNCHING on his face. GROSS! The other girls are all whiny– that wasn’t a screen kiss– you were trying to take advantage of an oppty. Um, thank you Captain Obvious. This season is just a whole crew of CRAZY w/ a healthy dose of dork tossed in— Would you like EXTRA CHEESE w/that?

Oh no, poor Naomi- the fact that he made out w/a BUNCH of other girls makes it LESS special? Are ya sure? I just really don’t get it w/this show– how can these girls put themselves out there like that? Naomi needs to fix her hair and don’t even get me started on Melissa. Megan is embracing the process. Who is that girl between her and Crazy? She looks matronly. Megan was just telling him how she doesn’t see how the other girls can say this is SOO hard but she doesn’t see it that way…and THEN she pulls a POUTY face and almost cries bc he doesn’t stick his tongue down her throat. Lauren is about to get all SUPER bossy– yeah, that’s right sweetie, people LOVE to get bossed around. She just demanded the rose and told us if she doesn’t get it she will be PISSED– yeah, we got that.

OMG Melissa is turning on the water works. Jason is reassuring her about their connection. Evidently he feels a connection w/just about everyone. Or at least his tongue feels a connection w/their tonsils–UGH!! I on the other hand DON’T feel a connection w/him at all. I am finding him less and less attractive- and we didn’t start at a very good place there anyway. He is a bit of a goober! Now, don’t get me wrong–he does seem really sweet — and some girls like goobers…they are just not for me. I think its possible Jason hasn’t had a whole lot of dating experience and so now he’s like a kid in a candy store. Didn’t he see Willy Wonka? Bad things can happen when you over indulge–you can turn blue, and swell up and…ok that’s enough. Crazy girl is sensing rejection– that’s cause you let a little too much crazy leak out crazy girl. You’ve got to keep some of that on the DL till you’re sure you’ve reeled them in. 😉

I wonder if this batch of women is extra crazy bc they were pre-screened to be ready to be his baby’s mama?? So these women have clocks that are ticking like Marissa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny. Desperate much?

Wow- there’s only one rose -ouch- for these two. Maybe that’s why he’s going to upset the rose ceremony. IF he’s does then that will be really cruel to whichever girl still there who he’s holding back from. Oh, that’s pretty, I love twinkle lights. Oh, GOOD ANOTHER woman- a dance instructor. Ouch, Jason and Nikki are soo awkward. It almost makes me think they ARE right for each other– they are both nerds. I’m sorry but he looks really dorky dancing. Oh no, Nikki is going to melt down- wow, I can’t believe she actually cut in.

I somehow think he will send Steph/Bama home- bc the connection is slower and she has a child– she would be harder to relocate. Wow, I wonder what happened w/the 11 year relationship– whoa a sudden dumping– that’s ROUGH! Nikki just seems more real somehow– I think Bama has her head in the clouds a bit– thinking- oh, this is meant to be bc of what I’ve been through. I think he will keep Nikki. Wow, he kept Steph- I don’t think she’ll win in the end but maybe he was worried that Nikki wouldn’t be ready to settle down. It seems like Nikki is handling herself well, well at least she’s not crying– I can’t stand how she puts herself down…I’m not smart enough, or pretty enough– Its not fair…I think Nikki is sweet but just a little naive and she needs to get more confidence. That ex-boyfriend apparently did quite a number on her self esteem. Poor Nikki.

Looks like they’re drinking pinkpantypulldowns–they really shouldn’t drink before they do their hair. Their hair really bothers me on this show. Can you tell? He seems to really dig Melissa- she might be the front runner for me– which is probably the kiss of death for her. OMG– does he really have to kiss EVERYBODY???? Its disgusting. OMG I TYPE o-m-g I DO NOT use it in conversation. He asks Megan if she knows how to waltz. Um, you don’t know how to waltz either Jason. Lauren is annoying but Jason still needs to look for chemistry in the back of her mouth.

Here’s the rose ceremony. Mr. Serious face comes out all- I know it will be devastating when some of you don’t get to date me. Megan will get the final. Oh uh, nobody. He’s all caught up in the drama. That seems extra mean to not give it out- you just made out w/all of them and let them open up to you. Maybe if you’d have conversed w/them instead of tonguing them you might have known more about them–OR —you could even have given them the chance to listen to you explain how you like them as a friend instead of sucking their face before telling them to get lost!! Crazy is going to go home and use her electric toothbrush- ok, thanks for sharing- I would do quite a lot of that.

Jason toasts here’s to the 5 most wonderful women I’ve ever met— One of you will the the grand prize of spending the rest of your life w/me (or words to that effect). GAG! Next week they’re going to Seattle. Lauren is singing a song about being famous– she really shouldn’t be singing- and she really shouldn’t be singing that song!! Those girls are NOT your friends sweetie. That song is kindof how I feel about all these people though– they just want to be famous. Gross!

Watching The City now, damn that Olivia is a b!tch. She keeps giving Whitney unsolicited advice, then pretty much tells her she’s immature and catty and I’m too good to act so childish…but I’d love to come over for a drink. Yikes Catarina and Ali are going to meet? That’s what you get 2 timing dirt ball. Is that true that Cat didn’t know he had a girlfriend? I thought she did- hmm. That seems rude how they say art gallery opening instead of the name of the gallery– Greedy much MTV? Maybe the owner was an ass? Who knows?

Cat is gorgeous–ouch this is such an awkward conversation. Adam is so busted. Poor Ali- she’s handling that well- oh, so sad, Cat says, I can’t be here anymore to which Ali replies, you can’t be HERE anymore? Well, I can’t go HOME anymore. She lives w/the dirtball. And just to make it extra special there just millions of people watching your humiliation on TV. The dirtball/Adam is still lying. I would either cut him off and not speak to him ever (or for at least a few months and only then as a distant friend). OR I would ask him to take a lie detector. People who cheat suck. Surely Cat wouldn’t be lying? I would find that scenario MUCH harder to believe!

Olivia and her cousin are annoying- there she goes w/another bit of unsolicited advice. Jay is siding w/Adam for something completely new. I think he’s lying about what Adam said to the direct question- right?? Jay needs to be careful how he treats Whitney. We KNOW how desperate you are to be on this show! Ali agreed to meet w/Adam- greeting w/a hug and a kiss. Is she wearing an engagement ring? Adam is feeding her BS and she is gobbling it up. She’s going to believe him- interesting. Didn’t she mention in a previous episode that something like that happens every time she goes out of town? If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…he’s probably a F*CK.

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Posted by on January 26, 2009 in DAMN, Reality TV

 

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The Bachelor needs to see YOU in a bikini-STAT! Let the SHOWmance begin.

Bring on the fantasy dates and cue the non-reality! ANOTHER 2 hours– is this what we can expect every week? You better bring the crazy on hard bc that is quite a commitment. ABC either won’t pay an editor or won’t pay some writers– this does NOT need to be a 2 hour show.

Wow, they are really playing that Deanna card hard. We get it- it will be dramatic. Someone will be overly sincere, someone will give a heartfelt revelation and someone will cry– my prediction. Its hard to watch and blog- I feel like I miss a lot. But they may re-air it. Sometime this weekend- my mom called and told me that the Bachelor was on again– grr– I had to take a peek but thankfully it was a re-run. So I imagine they will replay this one.

I LOVE the spooky music whenever that chick talked about the law of attraction– it hurts me that she’s gone. Wow, w/this whole recap- you didn’t even have to watch the show. Tonight they are moving into the mansion– cue the non reality. Uh, I’m going to need to see all of you ladies in a bikini PRONTO. Bring on the fantasy dates– cheese much? Oh- someone refuses to say good bye- yum yum gimme sum! Coming up on the bachelor! I’m a little bit giddy. Yikes–what a loser, now I’m a little bit sad. I have a feeling I will get over it in about 90 seconds.

Llasa apso still has her hair like that and I have still not looked up how to spell that dog’s name. All the ladies already have a cocktail– that makes for good TV but didn’t that host just say good MORNING ladies? Well, whatever works- its 5 o’clock somewhere right? Not all of you will get a date w/Jason every week. (We’re gonna need some cat fights right?) Jason wants to see and be seen in swim wear- but of course. Jason’s hair reminds me of Letterman’s. Its an interesting hairline when its brushed a certain way. Oh, Megan is llasa apsa– she’s the one they all voted off- he just called her aside for some private time- yeah, that will make the girls like her better. Jason looks good unclothed- that’s about the right amount of chest hair. Whoa, Kari has an even bigger llasa apso than Megan. OMG I’m so done w/the hot dog and the weiner fixins conversation- ugh sharing the burrito like a champagne glass– too much. I’m not feeling her at ALL!

Shannon, the dental hygienist wearing that white glitter bikini is perfect- for her. She is putting it all out there- all of her desperation. He seems to dig that. I don’t think that I will be very good predicting who he picks bc I’m not diggin’ him and I’m not really diggin’ who he’s diggin’. Three girls go home tonight- nice- that should conjure up just the right amount of crazy.

Wow, Stacey Lannert just had her sentence commuted by the governor– from life to 20 years. She’s already served 18 so she will be eligible for parole very soon. I think that’s appropriate if I recall the case correctly. I will look for a link later. She killed her father after years of physical and sexual abuse– he was starting in on her little sister so she shot him. She was a teenager and obviously that was not the right thing to do but- he didn’t allow her to grow up and develop into someone with the ability to reason like an adult. (I’m watching Nancy Grace on commercials.)

I wonder how Jason was in high school? I’m getting a real nerd vibe. Shannon is throwing ice cubes up at Jason and co on the balcony- how mature. Oh they call her Sha na nay- that’s perfect. Ouch, the girl standing there w/the drinks is soo awkward- I guess she’s a little too southern to interrupt. I bet she’s not too southern to play that sympathy card again. Oh, he’s about to give the rose- I have NO idea who he will give it to. Oh, Jillian– didn’t he already give her the first impression rose? OMG Natalie is crying– what a baby! That’s nice of Raquel to comfort her- I like her. She’s a med student though- I wonder how that will play. Will she relocate? Jason seems like he wants a susie homemaker.

Ooh, commercial for Scrubs- I love that show- I forgot all about it. I wonder how many I’ve missed?

Oh goodness- that girl talking about her hair is a freak- she would have had to wear it curly?? Devastating. WHAT is he wearing? He could have dressed a little nicer- it looks inappropriate next to her- it looks like a Hanes Beefy T. Oh, its the dad from Growing Pains, oh no wait- its his son. That would make me feel so awkward- a private concert- I think she handled it well actually. They’re not the best dancers but I LOVE people who dance- big points in my book- almost w/out exception. His microphone looks like he borrowed it from Baraba Streisand– its gold and VERY shiny. Ugh, kissing already- who started that? I missed it. I think its definitely too early. How do you think that makes Mr. Seaver feel- having to watch that? I don’t appreciate it either. I think Jason is going to get himself lots of tongue this season. I saw him on a couple of talk shows this week and Jimmy Kimmel was asking him- how his fiance will feel watching it. Jason said, obviously I think she would feel better NOT watching it- but that is up to her. How kind, you let her have free will? There’s NO WAY IN HELL she’s NOT going to watch it – are you kidding me? That would skeeve me out to see him making out w/a bunch of other girls while “we” were “falling in love” …and I would probably be losing some finger jewelry.

He says Melissa is someone who stops a room when she walks into it– in his experience those types of girls are usually not ready to settle down. Melissa seems nice- oh she wants to teach 1st grade- that will be big points w/him. That southern girl wears a lot of makeup. A big group date is coming up- putting the glam in Hollywood glamor. This Melissa date is much more my style- oh I even dig the blimp thing. Wow, she asks the rose question– its like a giant magic 8 ball — too early to tell- OUCH! She’s ballsy– her next question is will I get a kiss? Um, that would be yes- are you kidding me? Oh WOW- they get to ride in the blimp– too cool- I covet. That’s awesome. Ok, its awkward watching them kiss- but it actually seemed like a really sweet kiss. Molly plants one on him in front of everyone? I bet that is Megan in the limo that won’t take no for an answer– she didn’t get a date right?

Oh please– can we recreate the scene from pretty woman?– just in case you ladies don’t already feel enough like a prostitute. Sharon seems cute- a bit nerdy but cute. Ugh, the green and black dress is fugly. Oh dear, his outfit looks like something Blossom’s brother might have worn. Ouch, Erica’s last boyfriend cheated on her w/a 52 year old–she must have a cougar phobia. OMG- pls don’t dance like that Jason– I take that back what I said about dancing– you should NOT do that in public. I love the synchronized swim– me and my sis used to do that. Molly’s talent is she’s a good kisser– UGH– that was awkward! Is he really just going to play tonsel hockey w/everyone. Nikki- is about to lose it- she doesn’t want to hear it. WHOA– she’s only kissed ONE guy EVER– her boyfriend of 11 years– danger! He will probably like that. Wow, now she’s trying to throw some girls under the bus- saying they’re not ready to be moms. He says- just know that I know that you ARE ready. What? How does he know that? He just told Naomi that she’s a wonderful person and then stuck his tongue down her throat. That is really just GROSS! Its too much for me. Oh, he gave Molly the rose- either she really WAS a really good kisser or he just wants to signal to the other girls that he likes that type of aggression. Don’t cry Naomi- that is beneath you. OMG its Raquel who jumped into the limo– that surprised me. He does not seem pleased- he seems freaked out. OK, she might be crazy– the talk about wanting someone to be so in love that if she dies– he would be so devastated he would probably never remarry– yikes– that’s right sweetie, let all the crazy out.

Erica seems real. Jason senses something in the air– yeah, that’s called desperation, how perceptive. Jason, gets schooled by Lauren– she says she needs it to be more of a 2 way street. See ya later needy. Shannon- asks if he remembers her name? OMG she is such a tool- and what a stalker! She annoys the crap out of me. She’s a freak show– she can picture Ty and her puppy together. Thanks for playing crazy. He might not have the heart to crush you yet but you’re done- stick a fork in her. Southern girl- ouch her dress is too tight– the twins need to breathe sweetie. OMG- how sad about her hubbies plane crash! Her dress is hideous- its hurting me. Her make up is too much and too light. If you spent that much time on your face- how do you think that makes your hair feel? Like a ball of crud? Yup. I’m sorry, bad Kim!

Oh, no poor Lisa– she has a family member that is very ill- she’s going home. That’s the right decision. Nikki- that was cold- just a fake kiss (off)- good riddance. Everytime I think I like someone they do something that changes my mind a bit. I can’t wait for him to narrow the field. I hope he still sends home 3 girls, even though Lisa left.

Megan is going to kill Molly- she already has a rose AND she stole him! Has she MET Megan? She’s playing it fast and lose w/her personal safety– the girl is a lacrosse coach– that’s not girly man! Oh, was Erica being two faced? I was too busy typing. Wow, don’t mess w/Erica- she put the smack down on Megan. Nikki- is CATTY! Why don’t you just go ahead and tell him what to do sweetie– are you ACHING for him? It’s getting painful to watch. Megan- why don’t you just go ahead and wear a side pony tail girl? A weird vibe Natalie really? 25 girls throwing themselves at one guy- weird? How perceptive.

OMG- Stephanie is missing her daughter’s birthday? That’s SUPER sad! I don’t think I would do that. Wouldn’t they have let her go? How old is her little girl? He says Nikki has really shown him that he can trust her– WHAT WHY? She’s playing you dude.

The rose ceremony is coming up. He might send home the southern girl- for trying too hard and so she can be there for her little girl’s Bday. I don’t know- its hard to keep track for me. I wish I had TIVO. I have resisted bc “TV is just not that important to me” — but who are we kidding? Obviously it IS…its deeply important. And after this I’m going to watch The Hills- take that.

He looks good in that suit. He’s kind of rockin’ the David Letterman hair again– whenever its not combed just right…or maybe when it is. Whatever– I LOVE Dave so that doesn’t bother me. Megan and Nikki get the first two roses- then needy- I mean Lauren. Oh no, I bet Sharon is going home- I like her- but I guess he didn’t get to know her. Naomi gets the third, OK, Stephanie gets the fourth (I can’t call anything). 5th- Kari, her llasa apso ‘do is a little calmer tonight
6th- Natalie, she did some apropriate talking about kids- her nephew and neice
7th- Sha nay nay– say it ain’t so!
8th- and FINAL rose- I predict Erica– OMG I was right!

Sharon- Oh- I forgot she was the one who quit her job! The producer’s must like her- they cut away before she cried. Raquel- may have just been GUD (geographically undesirable)– not to mention a DOC– how will you be able to devote yourself to Jason and his son?

Oh- Steph gets a date and her daughter gets to come- how sweet- ouch- they just banged into each other on the beach. She seems just too skinny and too made up. I shouldn’t judge her like that– its so shallow. But she is sooo Southern– was she ever a beauty queen bc she sure seems like it. Oh dear, someone is sporting a llasa apso AND a side pony tail– DANGER! Oh, here’s a funny for you that I found– if you like to drink.

And now for some MTV.
Oh, double DANGER- that Olivia girl- the sosh- she wants to claw Whit’s eyes out. Do you watch The Hills oops I mean The City? You should- its just beyond compare. And if you like long, deep, meaninglessful stares– then pull up some couch bc YOU ARE IN FOR A TREAT!

Whitney is about to school that little boy from Australia– you don’t want to commit? ok- well I will spread my time around. Whitney will get to do the windows for the big show– w/the new collection. Olivia is asked to “help” Whitney– OUCH! Watch your back Whit. Who is this girl who is Whitney’s roommate? She seems like a sweetheart and reminds me of Whit– did they know eachother. OUCH– just last wk she was telling this dude from Canada that she loves him- now he’s talking about moving here and needing to crash– whoa hit the brakes dude. She was straight up w/him– ouch for him on TV (but nice for us). I can’t help but think the people on this show know good and gosh darn well- what being on this show means. I’m a little bit afraid that that might be motivating Jay…and his music career. I think he’s VERY aware of being on TV.

Who is this Samantha? Oh, Chris- a straight guy who works in fashion- hmm. Toodles? Olivia- is so annoying. She’s obviously VERY impressed w/herself. Chris just said- we should do lunch sometime– whit was like yeah, that was very bold. I wouldn’t have reacted that way– you work together and its just lunch. He was checking her out though.

Jay calls for Whit- Liv covers– all I know is…she’s out to lunch- nice. What is w/Whit’s bracelets– I’m assuming they’re IN bc she’s into fashion but… they look a bit tacky. Obviously I don’t know what’s in- bc evidently the llasa apso hair do is very stylish- yikes. Whit says she doesn’t feel chemistry w/Chris. Who is that other girl? She’s gorgeous. I guess whit is trying to grow her hair out– or LONG ROOTS are in style.

This girl likes you from a distance dude– how many ways does she need to say it? Go back to Canada- thanks for playing. Its funny how they label the locale as the Meat Packing District. Like, that’s soo cool. Olivia was telling her cousin in the last episode how she was giving Whit advice and telling her the cool places to live– which totally wasn’t true- at least from what we saw– Whit didn’t seem to give a sh!t about any advice Olivia was trying to lay down. I would have LOVED to hear where Olivia would have advised her to live. Jay is so funny asking about Whit’s lunch date– she handled that well. Back off band boy– I’m allowed to go to lunch w/a co-worker- EASE UP!

Whitney’s roommate- what is her name? Her hat looks like a smurf hat- I kind of like it (i love smurfs!). Man up! No doubt– “boys” are so frustrating. Oh, this is perfect– he’s seeking advice from his friend behind the bar. I think that guy owns that bar- btw– how did he swing that? Is he a sosh? Whoa- Jay just said, Whit’s a keeper– hold on for dear life. Yeah, maybe you should share some of that w/her you moron. Oh, I love Gramercy! I used to “live” there- for a bit while my sister lived there– very nice neighborhood- probably an older demographic. But I am somehow drawn to that– I always seem to want to live around old people. OK- I almost missed this convo– I think he just asked her to be his girlfriend- how sweet. What comes in 3’s??? They are both 24. OMG its over already. Wow- interesting head gear– I love wearing hats and such– I miss NYC. I was so distracted I missed the drama- Oh well- until next week.

oh, note to self (can’t find my journal) — get dangers hour– about kamikazis.

OMG did anyone see Ann Coulter on the view today? Elizabeth Hassselbitch actually looked embarrassed and uncomfortable- it was nice. Oh, how I despise her. I accidentally called her by her true name HasselBITCH in front of my dad over the holidays and was MORTIFIED! It is NOT cool to cuss in front of him. But it was funny bc he actually appreciated it– he agrees w/her politically- which bothers me to NO end– but also agrees that she is a HARPIE- who VERY rarely knows what she’s talking about– her nose is so FIRMLY up Sean hannity’s Azz– she disgusts oh, note to self (can’t find my journal) — get dangers hour– about kamikazis.

OMG whoever this is on Colbert– needs to take it down a notch– its going to take a bit to get what the dumbsh!t did undone!!!!

No idea what that’s about– I’m muti-tasking and NOT very good.

I just read something on dooce about an older sister so I want to see what that’s about. I recently told mine about this blog. YIKES! When I said I was anonymous I wasn’t kidding–NOBODY KNOWS. It now hurts me knowing she’s out there–is that weird? Pls, I KNOW its weird. WHATever. YOU’re weird!

 
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Posted by on January 12, 2009 in Reality TV, Uncategorized

 

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